Thursday, February 23, 2012

Bella Goes On A Trip

Last summer I decided that Bella should be given a chance to get out of the house. I thought the perfect place to take her was on our semi annual trip to Michigan. It seemed like a harmless enough place for her to visit.

Edward, however, was not in agreement with my decision, spouting about how it was now no longer a vacation for him, knowing I would make him be the one to babysit her. And he was right. My job sucks, not his. I need more of a vacation than he does. He can be the babysitter.

The drive to Michigan is long. About 12 hours depending on traffic. We got a late start and I was starting to doze off on the last leg of the drive. So I stopped for some trusty Red Bull to keep me awake. When we got to my dad's house, I had some left over and set in on the dresser in the guest room. Well, someone found it. And this made another someone very upset.

Edward: Blue
Bella: Brown

"Ooo, look what I found!"

"Oh dear God, no!! Not the Red Bull!!"
"Oh my gosh, that was so good! I was really tired a second ago, but now I feel like I could stay up all night with you Edward!"
"I really wish you wouldn't"

It didn't take Bella very long to become very annoying. Which sucked because we were very tired from the long drive and just wanted her to be quiet. But poor Edward got the brunt of it.

"Edward! I have this much energy now!"

"We should do something really fun!"
"We should sleep."
"But you don't sleep."
"Under the circumstances, I'm willing to make an exception."
"Wait, wait. Look. I'm not touching you!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"And I'm not touching you!"

"Oh for the love of God. Never has you not touching me been annoying."
"You're so funny, Edward. Oh, hey look!"

"Uh, it's a candle."
"Yes, but it's dying."
"Candles don't die. They get burnt up."
"So do vampires. This is serious."
"Bella, you're being--"
Edward got cut off.

"Let's jump off the dresser!"
"Bella, no!"

Bella jumped anyway, and Edward had to jump, and land on the ground first, and break her fall.

"Holy hell, what did you eat today?"
"I think it's bedtime now."
"No way! Let's climb back up the dresser."

"Dammit, woman, you're giving me whiplash."

Edward followed Bella back up the dresser, but he wants me to let you know that it was only because he had to.

Things did not improve when they got back to the top.

"Look! Ghost costume!"

For the record, some of you know this, but Edward is afraid of ghosts. I don't know why. He just is. But he is not afraid of Bella in a tissue. He wanted me to tell you that, too.

"Ooooooo, I'm behind you. Are you scared?"

"No. Not even a little bit."
"Yes you are. I know you're afraid of ghosts. Why is that, anyway? You're a pansy ass, sparkly vampire who's afraid of ghosts? I don't get it. You are at the top of the food chain and no one can hurt you, but you fear ghosts. That's totally whacked. What kind of loser is afraid of something that can't even touch him? Do you realize how ridiculous you're being? You should really seek professional he--"

Bella was cut off.

Edward pushed her off the dresser. I usually don't condone such things, but her fall did make her go to sleep. Unfortunately for Edward, he had been scarred by the event.

"If you ever let her have Red Bull again I will find a form of retaliation against you that I can assure you will not be happy with."

There is no more Red Bull in the house.

During our trip, we took Bella to the beach on Lake Michigan.

Edward tried to get rid of her. But when doesn't he try to do that?

"Edward, its' getting really hard to breath."
"Yes, I know. It's supposed to be that way."
"Oh. Okay."

We went fishing for salmon and got a nice haul. We were taking pictures of our fish and Bella was curious about them. I suggested that Edward show them to her.

"That's good, Bella, but you want to slide down further than that."

"It's really slimy and smelly."
"That just means you're not down far enough. Slide down further."

After I retrieved Bella from the salmon's mouth, we went back to the house.

The previous trip to Michigan, Edward and Masen had found some trouble with my dad's cat, Shadow. Edward was hoping that maybe the cat could aid in his Bella disappearing scheme.

"Here, just hold the toy out to him, and he'll take it from you."
"This seems dangerous."
"Yes well, that's neither here nor there."
"I don't really know what that means."
"I know."

So Bella held the cat toy, offering it to Shadow.

She soon learned of the dangers of doing so.

"YES!! Good kitty. Now eat her! Before anyone else comes in here!"

But the cat really didn't care for Bella and went on his way. Bella was left feeling the aftermath.

"Did you have fun?"

"Edward, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to kill me."
"You don't know any better."
"I know you love me, right?"
"In the same way vampires love werewolves."
"I knew you loved me."
"Good for you."


TheRugbymom said...

Edward told me he had plans for Bella on this trip! I see none of them worked out like he hoped they would.

I know he is very smart, but Bella is very lucky. (And very clueless!) Maybe he should enlist the help of the others to devise a plan to send Bella where she belongs.

Nice fish, btw.

Chloe Cougar said...

You're a complete nut job and I love it! I want MOAR!

CC x

TongueTwied said...

funny as always!

Bella perserveres!

Rikki_DD said...

I need to find out more about why Edward is scared of ghosts. I bet his biggest fear is Bella dying and haunting his ass.

Smitten said...


this is a perfect example of why I need to get back to visiting the blogs more often. Too funny!


ps - Is Jacob still a chipmunk?

TwiKiwiFifty said...

OMG two posts in a week! Go LwE!

This is fucking hilarious. You are a comic genius.

I want more!

Dangrdafne said...


kintail said...

Fabulous! I am so jealous that your Edward can stand on his own two feet.