Saturday, July 30, 2011

LwE Please Stop The Insanity

Hello everyone. Edward here. I'm using LwE's iPhone to post this plea.

As a lot of you know, my human does not enjoy her line of work any longer. You can refer to her Don't Bank Like A Douche post over at It's Whine Thirty to understand why.

She has a very close friend from her high school years, Sarah, that she has the privilege of working with. This gives me the privilege of working with Sarah's tiny plastic vampire, Eduardo. Most of you know this but I feel the need for a refresher since LwE has been lazy and not posted in forever. She also does not have Internet since her wifi card broke. But it is my understanding that that will be rectified in a couple weeks.

Anyway, Eduardo and I try to mind our own business and only help out when needed as to not upset our humans any further than the douches already have them. So we tend to find things to entertain ourselves.

But sometimes the humans need to find things for their own entertainment, which usually causes great embarrassment for us. Don't get me wrong, I love helping LwE with anything she needs, but I just wish she would consider my feelings before she acts on her impulses. Let me show you what I mean.

Now LwE thought this was funny. I, however, was not comfortable being dressed as a bandit inside a bank. It's not the safest costume to wear.

Then there was this day.

This was just humiliating. Sarah had made me the tie since Eduardo had not come to work that day. They laughed and showed their amusement
all day while I suffered in silence.

Today was a total new low for the humans. They thought this was a good idea to pass the time.

These hats are atrocious. We were so embarrassed by them. And why did LwE have to make mine pink? I look like a gay pirate. Ugh.

So today I ask you LwE, please consider how I feel before you find a way to make your day more tolerable by ruining mine. That's not too much to ask, is it? Please show some sensitivity. Thank you.

Eduardo and I discussed at length why we honorably tolerate the torture our beloved humans put us through. This was our finding.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone


TheRugbymom said...

LwE haz mad skilz. She can do a blog post from her phone. While she's working at the bank. I'm uber impressed as I veg on the couch watching The Twilight Channel [AKA: Showtime] and reading fanfiction.

Now stop tormenting the Edwards! I don't know what's worse - tweeting these embarrassing pictures, or posting them. Post silly pictures of Derek instead.

[You know I don't really mean this. I'm just writing it to get on Edward's good side. I fear he may still harbor some resentment ever since I asked him to measure and compare his junk and all the Edwards' junk and you made him do it!]

Munkee said...

Sounds like you have a survival plan. Hang in there.

Jaymes805 said...

Suck it up, E. She does it out of love.

MrsKassieCullen said...

Awww Edward you can come live with me I promise I won't make you wear silly gay pirate hats... I can't promise the army of Barbies wouldn't put you in their clothes like they have been known to do to my own Edward. I guess you should probably take your chances with LwE, at least you have Eduardo to keep you company. My Edward only has some Barbies and a bear, but not the cool Bear Pattinson 'bear', just Teddy the bear.

Mrs. P said...

Omg...blogger just ate my comment.
Anyway, the Edwards need to keep up the good work...entertaining their humans while they suffer at work. And wear your gay pirate hat with pride!!!!

"posted from blogpress using your mom's iPhone"...roflmao

Rikki_DD said...

It could be worse, you could have that creepy Jane living with you like my Edward does.

TongueTwied said...

Oh that tie is adorable! I think you could side job as the entertainment for children's birthday parties Edward!

Dangrdafne said...

Edward, let me remind you that this is all still better than spending time with Bella.

Chloe Cougar said...

Aaaaagh! I only just came across this post! (And by that, I don't mean *really*)...

Listen, Edward, I don't have one of your kind to call my own, so if you feel the need to escape your current owner, then look me up in Forks. I'll be there, along with a whole host of other willing Twitards. You'll recognise me as being one of the few there who speak with an English accent.

Do we need a secret handshake?

CC x