Saturday, July 30, 2011

LwE Please Stop The Insanity

Hello everyone. Edward here. I'm using LwE's iPhone to post this plea.

As a lot of you know, my human does not enjoy her line of work any longer. You can refer to her Don't Bank Like A Douche post over at It's Whine Thirty to understand why.

She has a very close friend from her high school years, Sarah, that she has the privilege of working with. This gives me the privilege of working with Sarah's tiny plastic vampire, Eduardo. Most of you know this but I feel the need for a refresher since LwE has been lazy and not posted in forever. She also does not have Internet since her wifi card broke. But it is my understanding that that will be rectified in a couple weeks.

Anyway, Eduardo and I try to mind our own business and only help out when needed as to not upset our humans any further than the douches already have them. So we tend to find things to entertain ourselves.

But sometimes the humans need to find things for their own entertainment, which usually causes great embarrassment for us. Don't get me wrong, I love helping LwE with anything she needs, but I just wish she would consider my feelings before she acts on her impulses. Let me show you what I mean.

Now LwE thought this was funny. I, however, was not comfortable being dressed as a bandit inside a bank. It's not the safest costume to wear.

Then there was this day.

This was just humiliating. Sarah had made me the tie since Eduardo had not come to work that day. They laughed and showed their amusement
all day while I suffered in silence.

Today was a total new low for the humans. They thought this was a good idea to pass the time.

These hats are atrocious. We were so embarrassed by them. And why did LwE have to make mine pink? I look like a gay pirate. Ugh.

So today I ask you LwE, please consider how I feel before you find a way to make your day more tolerable by ruining mine. That's not too much to ask, is it? Please show some sensitivity. Thank you.

Eduardo and I discussed at length why we honorably tolerate the torture our beloved humans put us through. This was our finding.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

Sunday, July 3, 2011

25 Things

There seems to be something that STY from Twitarded has suggested we all do, and that is share 25 facts about ourselves. TwiKiwi has and you can see her post on her blog which you can find on the side bar. I won't be linking anyone in this post as I am using my iPhone, per Dangrdafne's suggestion, because my laptop is broken so I can't get Internet anymore. Because of this, there won't be very many pics in this post either. Sorry. I'm working on a solution for the laptop so I can get back to my regular posting.

So here are my 25 things:

1. I am the youngest of five kids. I have four older brothers. Two are half brothers. I grew up playing with Barbies and My Little Ponies, and also GI Joes and Ninja Turtles. But I didn't have an ounce of athleticism. I think I got gipped.

2. I grew up breeding dogs. Siberian Huskies to be exact. We had puppies about four times a year, which was awesome. I miss having puppies around. We did the whole dog show thing and always had about forty dogs at a time. I've cleaned more than my fair share of shit in this world and don't miss that. Here is my mom with my favorite dog we had, Jazaroo. Jazz for short. This photo is actually still up at my vet and I took this pic a few weeks ago.

He was a beautiful dog. Perfect head.

3. I want pink hair very badly. Light icy pink hair. As soon as I don't have to work corporate any more, I'm so doing it.

4. I love dance. I never knew how then found an adult beginner hip hop class almost 2 years ago. I was stoked. I took the class and had to perform in the recital and I loved every second of it. There wasn't enough interest to keep the class going this past year but hope there will be next.

5. I have a fairly healthy body image for a woman. Yeah I want to lose forty or so pounds but I still think I'm pretty. The only thing I am very self conscious about is my teeth. My front teeth are very crooked and continue to get worse because of impacted wisdom teeth. I can't afford the surgery to get them out and then the orthodontia. I hate smiling in pictures. It's the only thing that can make me feel ugly.

6. I have an unhealthy attachment to my mini Edward. But you already knew that. I would seriously cry if something happened to him.

He's such a good helper.

7. My husband is a unicorn. He is big Twilight fan too. He is always quoting the movies to the point of annoyance until I hit him. Pretty sure he wants to be Edward. He admitted as much.

8. I have a hoodie addiction. When I go shopping I say to myself that I'm going to buy things that I normally wouldn't and are nice. My dresser and closet pretty much only have tank tops and hoodies. So I'm not sure what really happens on those shopping trips.

9. This is the number of mini Edwards I have. This number will change when they release the new one. I told you it was unhealthy. But I am frugal about them. I only bought 2 of them full price. The rest uber cheap on clearance!

10. I have the attention span of nat. I'm lucky that I can at least sit though movies. Church can be torturous. Too long. But I'm the only one there that feels that way. I think.

11. I'm a ninja. (TwiKiwi and STY, don't believe this)

12. There is almost nothing more in the world that I love more than my dog, Derek. He's the bestest ever.

At the moment he has a pink Mohawk.

13. My birthday is on April 13th.
Feel free to buy me presents.

14. My favorite movie of all time is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

15. I love to drive. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love it on a nice day with the windows down and the music up.

16. At the moment I am craving both a salad and cookies. I feel a bit conflicted.

17. I wish the transformer Bumblebee was real so I could have him.

18. I can't get throughout the day without being sarcastic about almost everything. I love to laugh and make it a habit to laugh about almost everything.

19. I anger easy. It is easy for people to get under my skin with their actions. A lot of stuff pisses me off. Working in customer service had increased this trait immeasurably.

20. I once offered Robert Pattinson five bucks to turn around so that all of us at the Water For Elephants premiere could get a good picture of him. I don't think he heard me. Who wouldn't want five bucks?!

21. I met Jon Bon Jovi's new Camaro at the car dealership yesterday when I went in to get my car inspected.

Rob was also there.

22. The only thing I know how to say in Spanish is "my happy monkey pants are on fire" but I don't know how to spell it so I can't type it here. I once said it to a spanish only speaking customer. They got a good laugh.

23. I love cooking with coconut oil. It makes everything taste so good. And it is also the healthiest of the cooking oils. The type of fat in it actually helps to slim you.

24. My very first concert I ever went to was Bob Dylan. I was 13 and didn't know who he was. I went for free cause my brother was event staff at the venue. It was the first time I saw drunk and or high people and I was scared.

25. Doctors told my parents that I was going to be a boy. They had the name Chad picked out for me until the moment I was born. That was the day I learned that doctors aren't always right.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone