Friday, March 18, 2011

Vanity Unfair

Edward got some very exciting news last week.  He got a phone call from the world famous photographer Annie Leibovitz!!  She told him that she has been dying to do a photo shoot of Edward for the longest time and that she had the most amazing ideas for his pictures.  Edward was excited about having such an accomplished and famous photographer take his picture.  He expected nothing but the best from Annie.  So they made an appointment for the shoot and got to it.

It didn't go as well as planned.

Words of Edward in Blue
Words of Annie in Red

"Edward, it is so great to finally meet with you!  I have been waiting so long for this.  I have such a vision for this shoot!  Let's get started!  Here, put on this coat and hat.  They are perfect!"
"This coat and hat here?"
"Yep, those are the ones."
"Are you sure these?"
"Yes, of course I'm sure."
"I'm not so sure this is right.  It's not very me."
"Edward, it's Amish!  It's very you!  The Amish are a peaceful people who live off the fruits of their labor and are one with nature.  That's you!"
"Uh, I wouldn't say that I'm one with nature.  I'm a predator.  I eat nature."
"Oh, same thing!  Now go pose on the deck."

Edward dis trustingly went to pose wearing the hat and coat Annie suggested.  Here is the photo that came of it.

As you can see, Edward looks a bit underwhelmed.  He expected more from the well known photographer.

Then Annie set Edward up for the next photo that she said would be magazine cover worthy!  Edward really didn't trust her judgement on this one.

"Edward, that s perfect!"
"Are you kidding me?  What kind of Amish person goes around carrying an alligator?!  Is it like those rattle snake cults in the south?"
"No, you silly boy.  It looks cool.  You know, like, hey, look, Edward can carry an alligator, he must be real tough and cool.  You know what I mean?"
"No.  I don't know what you mean.  The only thing carrying around an alligator can communicate is that someone is stupid enough to carry around an alligator!  You are not the photographer I thought you were.  You have only succeeded in making me look ridiculous!  This photo shoot is over!  So you can go pack up your things and go back to the Amish alligator cult you came from!"

And that is how Edward fired Annie Leibovitz.  Here's hoping for some decent outtakes!