Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Happy Birthday Amanda!

Today's post will celebrate something really special.  Demanda, over at Borderline Phenomenal, is turning 30 today! She has more guts than I do, for I don't plan to ever turn 30, even when my 30th birthday roll around next year. I will be in my twenties forever. So kudos to you Demanda for going through with the dirty thirty!

Edward wanted to help celebrate and got a little something together for you.  Here is how the birthday surprise came to be today.

Edward: Blue
Bella: Brown
Cullen: Green
Eddie: Purple
Newdward: Red

After Edward and I had come home from work, he approached some of his brothers, Cullen, Eddie, and Newdward.

"Ok, guys, I need you to get everyone together. We need a group photo."

"What for?"
"It's Amanda's Birthday, and we are going to do something special for her."
"Oh, how old is she?"
"Pffft. Thirty. Tell her to call me when she hits eighty."
"When is LwE going to be thirty?"
"Next year."
"Damn. We better change her soon then."
"What? No. No one is changing anybody. I just need a group photo."

"Wait. I have a question. Who's Amanda?"
"You met her in Forks."
"A fork is a utensil, Edward. Not a place you go."
"Sure it's not. But remember that day at the beach? She was the one who pretended that the branch of a tree was a penis."
"What's a penis?"

"Anyway, I made these while I was at work today. We all need to wear one in the photo.

"What is that?"
"It's a mustache. Amanda likes mustaches for some reason."
"Wait, is this just a ploy to make us feel bad because we can't grow our own? That's mean."
"Oh for crying out loud, just go get everyone else."
"Ok, but Jacob's not here."
"Where did he go?"
"Don't know, but he's been gone a while. We think he imprinted on something again."
"Oh gross. I don't want to know then."

So all the Edwards got together with Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Victoria to wish Demanda a very happy birthday. We love you girlie and hope for many more happy birthdays!

Ps. I had to add this pic just because Jasper looked CRAZY with his stache on.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Eduardo And The Vault Door Update

I think we are going to need a more detailed vault door opening and closing procedures sign. This is getting out of hand.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Guess The Sign Was Necessary

Earlier this year the bank I work at converted with another. So we are a new company now.

Apparently, the new bank thinks we are all dimwits and believe we need a new unnecessary sign on the vault door telling us how to properly open and close it.

Ridiculous. We have all been using a vault door for years and have had no emergencies for lack of a common sense using an everyday object. Suffice it to say, we have all got a big laugh out of this sign.

Well today it seemed the sign was a necessary precaution. Eduardo went to use the vault door today.

Oh well.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

Saturday, July 30, 2011

LwE Please Stop The Insanity

Hello everyone. Edward here. I'm using LwE's iPhone to post this plea.

As a lot of you know, my human does not enjoy her line of work any longer. You can refer to her Don't Bank Like A Douche post over at It's Whine Thirty to understand why.

She has a very close friend from her high school years, Sarah, that she has the privilege of working with. This gives me the privilege of working with Sarah's tiny plastic vampire, Eduardo. Most of you know this but I feel the need for a refresher since LwE has been lazy and not posted in forever. She also does not have Internet since her wifi card broke. But it is my understanding that that will be rectified in a couple weeks.

Anyway, Eduardo and I try to mind our own business and only help out when needed as to not upset our humans any further than the douches already have them. So we tend to find things to entertain ourselves.

But sometimes the humans need to find things for their own entertainment, which usually causes great embarrassment for us. Don't get me wrong, I love helping LwE with anything she needs, but I just wish she would consider my feelings before she acts on her impulses. Let me show you what I mean.

Now LwE thought this was funny. I, however, was not comfortable being dressed as a bandit inside a bank. It's not the safest costume to wear.

Then there was this day.

This was just humiliating. Sarah had made me the tie since Eduardo had not come to work that day. They laughed and showed their amusement
all day while I suffered in silence.

Today was a total new low for the humans. They thought this was a good idea to pass the time.

These hats are atrocious. We were so embarrassed by them. And why did LwE have to make mine pink? I look like a gay pirate. Ugh.

So today I ask you LwE, please consider how I feel before you find a way to make your day more tolerable by ruining mine. That's not too much to ask, is it? Please show some sensitivity. Thank you.

Eduardo and I discussed at length why we honorably tolerate the torture our beloved humans put us through. This was our finding.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

Sunday, July 3, 2011

25 Things

There seems to be something that STY from Twitarded has suggested we all do, and that is share 25 facts about ourselves. TwiKiwi has and you can see her post on her blog which you can find on the side bar. I won't be linking anyone in this post as I am using my iPhone, per Dangrdafne's suggestion, because my laptop is broken so I can't get Internet anymore. Because of this, there won't be very many pics in this post either. Sorry. I'm working on a solution for the laptop so I can get back to my regular posting.

So here are my 25 things:

1. I am the youngest of five kids. I have four older brothers. Two are half brothers. I grew up playing with Barbies and My Little Ponies, and also GI Joes and Ninja Turtles. But I didn't have an ounce of athleticism. I think I got gipped.

2. I grew up breeding dogs. Siberian Huskies to be exact. We had puppies about four times a year, which was awesome. I miss having puppies around. We did the whole dog show thing and always had about forty dogs at a time. I've cleaned more than my fair share of shit in this world and don't miss that. Here is my mom with my favorite dog we had, Jazaroo. Jazz for short. This photo is actually still up at my vet and I took this pic a few weeks ago.

He was a beautiful dog. Perfect head.

3. I want pink hair very badly. Light icy pink hair. As soon as I don't have to work corporate any more, I'm so doing it.

4. I love dance. I never knew how then found an adult beginner hip hop class almost 2 years ago. I was stoked. I took the class and had to perform in the recital and I loved every second of it. There wasn't enough interest to keep the class going this past year but hope there will be next.

5. I have a fairly healthy body image for a woman. Yeah I want to lose forty or so pounds but I still think I'm pretty. The only thing I am very self conscious about is my teeth. My front teeth are very crooked and continue to get worse because of impacted wisdom teeth. I can't afford the surgery to get them out and then the orthodontia. I hate smiling in pictures. It's the only thing that can make me feel ugly.

6. I have an unhealthy attachment to my mini Edward. But you already knew that. I would seriously cry if something happened to him.

He's such a good helper.

7. My husband is a unicorn. He is big Twilight fan too. He is always quoting the movies to the point of annoyance until I hit him. Pretty sure he wants to be Edward. He admitted as much.

8. I have a hoodie addiction. When I go shopping I say to myself that I'm going to buy things that I normally wouldn't and are nice. My dresser and closet pretty much only have tank tops and hoodies. So I'm not sure what really happens on those shopping trips.

9. This is the number of mini Edwards I have. This number will change when they release the new one. I told you it was unhealthy. But I am frugal about them. I only bought 2 of them full price. The rest uber cheap on clearance!

10. I have the attention span of nat. I'm lucky that I can at least sit though movies. Church can be torturous. Too long. But I'm the only one there that feels that way. I think.

11. I'm a ninja. (TwiKiwi and STY, don't believe this)

12. There is almost nothing more in the world that I love more than my dog, Derek. He's the bestest ever.

At the moment he has a pink Mohawk.

13. My birthday is on April 13th.
Feel free to buy me presents.

14. My favorite movie of all time is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

15. I love to drive. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love it on a nice day with the windows down and the music up.

16. At the moment I am craving both a salad and cookies. I feel a bit conflicted.

17. I wish the transformer Bumblebee was real so I could have him.

18. I can't get throughout the day without being sarcastic about almost everything. I love to laugh and make it a habit to laugh about almost everything.

19. I anger easy. It is easy for people to get under my skin with their actions. A lot of stuff pisses me off. Working in customer service had increased this trait immeasurably.

20. I once offered Robert Pattinson five bucks to turn around so that all of us at the Water For Elephants premiere could get a good picture of him. I don't think he heard me. Who wouldn't want five bucks?!

21. I met Jon Bon Jovi's new Camaro at the car dealership yesterday when I went in to get my car inspected.

Rob was also there.

22. The only thing I know how to say in Spanish is "my happy monkey pants are on fire" but I don't know how to spell it so I can't type it here. I once said it to a spanish only speaking customer. They got a good laugh.

23. I love cooking with coconut oil. It makes everything taste so good. And it is also the healthiest of the cooking oils. The type of fat in it actually helps to slim you.

24. My very first concert I ever went to was Bob Dylan. I was 13 and didn't know who he was. I went for free cause my brother was event staff at the venue. It was the first time I saw drunk and or high people and I was scared.

25. Doctors told my parents that I was going to be a boy. They had the name Chad picked out for me until the moment I was born. That was the day I learned that doctors aren't always right.

- Posted using BlogPress from your mom's iPhone

Monday, May 30, 2011

Work Candids

I would like to apologize for my errant lack in posting.  I can't believe that I only have 4 posts up this year so far, and I almost skipped doing one this month all together.  Real life has been retched this year.  Many times I have just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.  But I'm hoping to get posting regularly again soon!  It has been nagging away at me for a couple months now.  And so has Edward.  He is a persistent little bugger.

My creativity has decided to find another way out of my head.  I am now an FF author.  I know.  I'm shocked too.  Anyway here is my awesome banner made my one of my favorite of all time authors, @Tkegl.  You must read her stories!  They are sooooooo good.

Isn't it pretty?  I love it.  The story is set when Edward left Carlisle for a few years to feed on humans.  You can catch it at here and here.  If you go give it a read, please leave a review to let me know what you think.  I've never written before, so feedback is greatly appreciated!

Now, that my apology and shameless plug are now over, we can get on to Edward.  Today I am sharing some pics of Edward in his work environment.  I have had a lot of questions asking how Edward spends his day at the bank with me, so here it is.

Here is Edward taking his banking job very seriously.  He is very willing to help out any customer with their financial needs.

"Hello.  I'm Edward Cullen.  You need a bank account.  Let me explain to the benefits of our accounts here.  I'll have you saving for FORKS2011 in no time at all."

If you don't know what FORKS2011 is, then visit Twitarded. If you like what you see and are not scarred for life, then you are probably our kind of people and would enjoy this trip.

Up next we have Edward working with some foreign currency.  He is the foreign currency master.

"I have Euros!"
Like a boss, Edward.  Like a boss.

Sometimes Edward is the keeper of my keys.  He makes sure that I don't lose them or leave them lay somewhere.

And sometimes the keys are too heavy.

Edward's friend Eduardo sometimes comes to work with his human, my friend, Sarah.  He came to help celebrate my birthday last month.

Sometimes Edward likes to hang out in my boot on his down time.  At least I know he is staying out of trouble there.

Edward did do something really sweet for me on Valentine's Day.  I was so surprised.  When Edward is sweet he is really sweet.  It's the reason I don't throw him into a quarry.

Wasn't that sweet?  He is very creative.

There are, however, times where Edward does act up and needs a time out.  This is where he spends those times.

"I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!  I swear I won't jump out of your coin locker to scare you anymore!  Please, let me out."

Edward also doesn't mind rifling through my coworkers drawers to steal their candy for me.

He also takes the time to prepare my snacks.

That was some damn good cheese, I just have to say.

Once in a while I will go help out at another branch when they are short staffed.  Of course, Edward comes along. He gets mesmerized by the marble counter top there.

"It's so pretty."

Sometimes Edward gets a little carried away with the office supplies.  I really don't know what he is thinking.

He really seemed to be in trouble here:

Edward will occasionally bring one of his brothers to work with him to help pass the time.  Here are a couple instances where he brought EC with him.

I have no idea what they are doing here.  My only guess is that there had to have been an incredible amount of boredom.

Once I told them their next activity was a federal crime, they quickly stopped.

I can't tell you how much defaced money we get.  I have gotten cash with some pretty colorful words on it already.

This may be a game of hide and seek.  Either that, or creating disguises with props. 

Perhaps he is supposed to be a lamp.

Then, when we are slow, they like to indulge in their favorite banking pass time.  The drive thru tube ride.

Then, when they create enough of a ruckus, I assign them some kind of task to keep them occupied.  Handing me coin is a good one.

Well there are the work candids.  I hope you enjoyed them.  In the next post, we finally will address the chipmunk.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Edward Goes To NYC For WFE

Most of you know by now that a few of us (Dangrdafne, KassieRobzsinger, 17foreverlisa, Bella TesoroMama Cougar, Tatoomickey, Donnersun, Laxplays, Latchkey Wife, Double DippinStephanieS74, and others that my head is spinning too much to remember) went to New York City for the Water For Elephants premiere.  And it was FUN!  We had a wonderful time.  Edward was very excited to visit the city, even if it was to see that tool, Rpattz.  He wasn't happy about that part, but put up with it to go sight seeing.  Here are my photos from the weekend. 

This is right when Dangrdafne and I got into the city.  It was rainy, but we survived.

This is our view from the 33rd floor of the Hilton.  It was really high.  And the elevators go so friggin fast, I felt like I got beat up everytime I got off of one.

We went down to the cocktail party not long after we arrived.  Edward was happy to keep Marie from Twilight Junkies Anonymous company for a while.  He liked her dress.

Then he spider monkeyed her. 

They had a great time.

Edward was really enjoying the party and the music.  I even caught him dancing.

Then him and Robzinger's and Kassie's Edwards gathered around the fake candle thingy for some mini time.

I don't know what they are doing here.  It looks like they are trying to conjur up the dead, which is ironic because they are the dead. 

Water For Elephants author, Sara Gruen, came by to sign autographs for everyone on free big posters!  (Special thanks to Dangrdafne for making sure I didn't miss out on it.)  Sara was so nice and cool.  I loved meeting her.  She is amazing.  She really liked Edward, too.  She even gave him a kiss.

Dangrdafne, LwE, Edward, Sara Gruen, 17foreverlisa

Later that night Dangrdafne, Robzsinger, and myself headed out to dinner and then Times Square.  It is so beautiful at night.  I love it.

Notice the giant Nurse Jackie billboard.

That's a giant M&M.  It looks delicious.

Planet Hollywood is in Times Square, so we went in to take a look at this!

We took turns putting our hands in for pics.  I even made Edward do it.

He was not happy about it, but he likes to amuse me, so he did it.

Planet Hollywood also has this.

And this!

Back at the hotel that night, Edward tried to entertain me with the cute little elephant charm Dangrdafne gave me.

"I have an elephant.  I also have water for it.  Apparently, it's Poland Spring."
It's was funnier if you were there and heard him say it.  It was the way he said it. 

The next day we walked around the city a bit.  And Edward made fun of some wacky "art".

We shopped for souvineers and Edward found someone that may hold vital information for him.

"Hello.  I'm Edward Cullen.  You're a weremunk.  I was wondering if you would be able to enlighten me on human to chipmunk transmutations.  I have a friend who is having a problem with phasing back to a human.  He's not even supposed to be a chipmunk, he's supposed to be a wolf.  Are you supposed to be a chipmunk?  Are you having any phasing issues?  Do you understand anything I am saying?  You don't seem to be.  Wait, you are just a regular chipmunk, aren't you?  Hmmm, oh well.  I can still use you for something.  Nom nom nom!"

Photo of Chipette masacre not included.  Edward didn't think he would be able to find a snack in the city.  Good for him.

We also went to Central Park, which is my favorite thing in the city.  It is so pretty and people just freely display their art for all to see.  It is amazing. 

Edward really liked it there too.  He got to hang from a tree, which is one of his favorite pastimes.

So many people take their pets for walks in the park, so Edward took advantage of that too.  Here he is walking Vlad.

He just loves his little vampire bat.  He never leaves home without him.

We saw the famous Bow Bridge which is in every single movie ever filmed in NYC.  Here is Edward in the bridge.  I think it's a pretty cool shot.

I think this is my fave pic from the park.  I love blossoms on trees!  So pretty!

Then I got sick and didn't do anything for a bit, until Dangrdafne told me Rob was on the carpet.  I came down and tried to get some pics.  They weren't that great.  Here is the best I got.

If only that poster thingy wasn't in that one!

And a special pic for Tongue Twied.

I got a decent one of Rob and Reese during an interview, but it grainy cause the camera was on super zoom.

And interviewing with Josh Horawitz. I think that's how you spell it.  I'm too lazy to google it.

Unfortunatly, all good things must come to an end.  We had to leave the city and come back home.  Poo.  As we were driving, the moon was HUGE!  So I took a pic.  It was ginormous.

After I got home and was on the interwebs, I saw a pic of Rob on the red carpet posted on tumblr.  I scanned the crowd in the back and immediately noticed Latchkey Wife, Laxplays, and Double Dippin.  I stood next to them a lot and low and behold, who is next to Double Dippin? Me!  I recognized my green sweatshirt sleeves.  I'm in the sam pic as Rob!  Wahoo!