Monday, December 20, 2010

A Pox In Our House

A lot of you know that I had some epic fun during the Eclipse DVD release weekend. You can read about it here. During this fun time, Dangrdafne and I stopped at a Toys R Us to check out the Twi loot and did we hit the mother load! Half off everything! So I got myself another friend. I decided on the sparkly New Moon Edward. He was the last one and only five dollars and I don't have a sparkly one. So I quickly adopted the little fella to take him home.

Anyway, when I got home I didn't take the newby out of his box right away and tried to keep him a secret from Edward. You all know how he gets when bring home another friend. So the next day I woke to find this scene going on in my room.


EC, Edward, Ed, and Anthony decided to have a poker game.

Rainbow Text Guide:
Me: Pink
Edward: Blue
EC: Black
Anthony: Green
New Guy: Red
Ed and Jasper: Grey

"Did you guys really have to wake me up to play poker? And where are the others?"
"They went out hunting. We are waiting for Jasper to get here so we have a fifth player."

Edward's statement reminded me of the new Edward I brought home the previous day......and now the others now know, too.


"What did you do?! You have a problem. You need to speak to someone about this obsession. It's getting out of control."

I didn't even reply. I just sighed and went and got the new guy to introduce to them.

"Hello.  I'm Edward.  Nice to meet  you."


"No you're not.  I'm Edward.  You shall now be known as Number 9.  Because you are the 9th Edward to be brought to live here and I'm running out of name ideas."
"Ok, so what are you guys up to?"
"We were going to play some poker.  Do you want to be our fifth player until Jasper gets here?"
"Sure."
Then Anthony was brave and rude enough to ask the obvious question.
"Dude, what's wrong with your face?"
"What?  Nothing."
"There is totally stuff all over your face, neck, and chest.  What is it?"
"It's nothing.  I sparkle.  I'm a vampire.  It's what I do.  Where are all your sparkles?"
"Uh....real vampires don't sparkle."
"Sure we do!  Look at me!"
"I think you may have some form of Vampire Acne."
"No I don't!!"
"Vampire Mumps?"
"No!"
"Vampire Pox?"
"Stop it!  There is nothing wrong with me!"
"Here.  Perhaps you should try this."


Number 9 was not happy with Anthony's suggestion and took it quite offensively.  He lashed out violently throwing the bottle at Anthony and knocking him over.


But as he did this, something happened to Number 9 that he wasn't expecting and he lost his balance.


The Edwards were quite concerned at what Number 9's foot falling off meant.

"Oh no!  It's worse than we thought.  He has Vampire Leprosy!"
Number 9 pulled himself up the wall, using it for support while the other Edwards put some space between him and themselves.


"I do not have Vampire Leprosy.  There is no such thing. That is preposterous."


"Uh oh."
"Dude, your arm just fell off!"
"He totally has Vampire Leprosy!"
"It's probably contagious!"

Then the little vamps grouped together to get more of a safe distance from Number 9.


At this moment, Jasper had finally showed up for the poker game.


"Hey guys. Sorry I'm late. What's wrong with this guy?"
"Jasper, get away! He has Vampire Leprosy!"


"What on earth are they talking about? There is no such thing as Vampire Leprosy."
"That's what I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen."
"They can be very stubborn."
"I've noticed."
"Jasper! I'm telling you, you need to step away before you catch it!"
"You guys are so absurd. There is no such thing as Vampire Leprosy, so just stop being so ridiculous and help him reattach his arm and foot."
"I'm not going near him!"
"Nothing is going to happen to you. Trust me."


"Ahh! Jasper has been infected!"


"That's the last time I trust a vampire."
"We need to get them in quarantine before it spreads to the rest of us."

So Edward and Ed found a suitable quarantine containment unit and quickly threw Number 9 and Jasper and their infected appendages into it.


They then furiously went to the sink to wash any "VL" germs off their bodies.


"Maybe we should use this just in case."


So Edward and Ed used the acne cleanser to help keep the Vampire Leprosy away. They then returned to the others to discuss the situation.

"How long do we have to stay in here?


"I don't know. I really wish we had a mini Carlisle!"
"What is going on in this house? First we have Jacob's problem with turning into a chipmunk instead of a wolf and now this! What are we going to do?
"I'm not sure. Uh,.....I guess we google?"
"Couldn't hurt."

So off they went to google Vampire Leprosy and Werewolf chipmunk mutations. I really hope they find answers.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Edward Answers Your Questions

A couple months ago I added to my blog an advertisement that stated that Edward would answer your questions. 
You can find it right here ----->
Well about a month ago, TheRugbymom sent me an email with a question to Edward.  I'm just getting around to it now.  Truth be told, I was a bit apprehensive asking Edward TheRugbymom's question.  The first reason is because I never told him that I added the advertisement to the blog and is now entitled to answer any questions that are emailed to me.  So as I nervously told him about it I was pleasantly surprised that he seemed to be okay with it and wasn't angry.  So then I let him read the email.  He was no longer so "OK" with the idea anymore.  Once you see the email, I'm sure you will understand why.

Dear Edward,
After reading RobP33n Wednesdays http://thecoldshower.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/robp33n-wednesday-lets-get-scientific/ for the past few weeks, I've been studying your picture on the blog header.


I was wondering why you appear to be hung so much 'better' than the Pocket Edward doppelgangers who live with me? What are you packin' in there?


And how do the others - Masen, Cullen, Anthony, Ed, Eddie, Newdward, EC, Jasper, and Jacob - stack up against you?

I suspect my Edwards might have been cheated. I'm wounded! Now I wonder if my boys can even read mings? WTF??

Very truly yours,
xoxoxo
TheRugbymom

Edward yelled at me for a good 20 minutes after he read it.  I told him that he has to field the question now since I said he would answer questions.  So he sighed and with a defeated look called Jasper to come over and gathered his brothers and Jacob, who is still stuck as a chipmunk, to see how they ..... uh..... measured up.

Rainbow Text Guide
Edward: Blue
Anthony: Green
EC: Black
Jasper: Red
All other Edwards and Jacob will be in grey.

After Edward had all the others gathered he nervously broached the subject.

"So, guys, uh, did any of you know that LwE told all her followers they could email me questions?"

"Yeah, I knew."
"Me too."
"Squeak!"
"How did you all know?!"
"We read the blog.  Don't you read it?"
"I live the blog!!  I don't have to read it!"
"Apparently you do."
The Edwards then snicker at Edward's ignorance.
"Whatever.  TheRugbymom sent me a question and wants to know, uh, something about all of you."
Edward then told them all the question he was asked.  There was no response from any of them except for quiet murmuring amongst each other.  Edward took this to mean he should continue.

"So I have something that will tell us what TheRugbymom wants to know."



"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to need a bigger tape measure."
"Oh god."
"Anyway, I guess we'll all take turns."
I think if Edward could blush he would have.

"I also brought something else to help us."



"A feather?"
"What do we need that for?"
"Uh, well, um, some of you may have, uh....... trouble with ....this.  So I did some research and thought that one of us may have to act as a "fluffer" and the feather would be ...... uh .... stimulating?"



"Now hold on!  What exactly are your intentions with this whole little experiment of yours?"
"What are you talking about?  It's not mine."
"Oh sure it's not.  All you do is walk around here with your questionable sexuality, tell us what to do, and now this!  You fabricated this all to get us to expose ourselves to you!"
"WHAT!!  I would never....I don't like.....this is absurd.....I..."
"Look, he's stuttering.  I think you are right."
"No!  He's not!"

"I think he is Edward.  I knew there was something ..... different about you when I first got here.  You were always complimenting my coat."
"Of course I complimented it.  I like it.  We have the same fashion sense.  It doesn't mean I have a crush on you!"
"Did you hear that?  He's talking about fashion.  I think he is gay."
"I'm not gay!!"
"Look, Edward, we don't care if you are.  It's the deception that insults us.  We don't appreciate that you are tricking us into your own little peep show."
"I'm not tricking you into anything!  I'm not gay!  I'm doing this for TheRugbymom.  Because of LwE I have to answer the question!  I don't want to hear any anymore talk about being gay!  Now everyone drop their pants so I can measure your penises!"
This created a negative response from the rest of the Edwards.

"GET HIM!"

They were not going to put up his deceptions any longer.  I kinda felt bad for Edward as he was getting pummeled on the bottom of the little vampire scrum. (Like my rugby lingo? Seemed fitting)  I should feel bad for not asking his permission to volunteer him for answering anyone's question.  But he does need to learn how to communicate better with his brothers.

Jasper and Jacob were left to witness the violence.


"So when do you think I should tell them all that Edward was telling the truth?"
"Squeak!"
"Yeah, I think it should go on for a little while longer, too."

So Edward was left to his beating.

Much later, this was how I found him.



"I hope you are happy, love."

I didn't miss how he hissed the endearment.  It appears Edward is very capable for holding a grudge.  Some of you may have seen that he has been getting mouthy with me on Twitter.  That's right.  Edward has his own Twitter now.  You can follow him at @Mini_Edward1901.

Anyway, here is Edward's answer to the question.

Dearest TheRugbymom,

It was great meeting you and your daughter in Forks.  You were both so delightful.

I want to thank you for sending in your question.  I learned a few things myself in researching the answer.  Such as to be mindful of the "vibes" you may be giving off to others.  I have finally been able to rectify the misunderstanding with my brothers with the help of Jasper.  There is no longer any confusion.  Thank God!

Anyway, I'm going to venture a guess that the difference you see in that picture in comparison to your own Edward companions is just an illusion of lighting and angle.  There is also some water that I'm laying in that may be producing the illusion that you see.  As far as the others go, I'm going to be on the safe side and say that we are all probably similar in that respect.  That's all I know.

Also if your Edward companions can not read mings, do not fret.  None of us have yet figured it out either.  Google has vastly disappointed me on this topic and I'm no longer sure that I want to promote Google with the enthusiasm that I have in the past.

I hope this helps
Sincerely,
Edward

There you have it.  If you have any questions for Edward you can email them to livingwithedward@gmail.com


The Edwards helped me put together an amazing Christmas play for DML this past week.  You can see it here --->  Super fun DML link!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Oh, That Crazy Eduardo

Some of you may recall the post where I gave my friend her own mini Edward, because good friends are enablers. I then posted some adventures of Eduardo's showcasing how different his personality is from Edward's. We learned that Eduardo is a bit more care free and/or crazier than Edward. I should probably have them hang out more so that some of that care free spirit can rub off on Edward.
Well Eduardo is still up to his mischievous ways. He has recently been getting himself into some more precarious situations. Let me show you what I mean.

*All photos taken by my friend. Again, to keep her anonymity, we will call her Sarah.*

Words of Eduardo in Green

Here we see Eduardo delving into some forbidden territory. He is perusing his human's underwear drawer. Edward would NEVER do this.


After staring at the drawer for a few minutes, he decided to dive in.


He really enjoyed the softness of the drawer's contents.



Then he discovered that it was way more fun than a ball pit.



After Eduardo calmed down a bit, he became more curious about the under garments.


"I don't understand why you keep a slingshot with your bloomers.  That's just weird."

Eduardo has also been caught bungee jumping in the shower.



And also mocking the knick knacks.


This behavior is just plain rude.  Sarah definitely has her hands full with him.  He has recently actually started to cause trouble.  I think he may be getting bored at work.  Banking is sure not for everyone, which I am learning, but I think Eduardo needs more of a creative job.  He is starting to lash out.  Here is what he did at work recently.















We actually have insane plumbing problems now and our toilets break almost every week.  We have gone quite a few days with no bathroom at all.  Thanks Eduardo.

That's all for now.  Tune in next time where Edward answers a fan question.