Friday, May 28, 2010

I'm Babysitting!

I'm over at Mrs. P's, watching her blog for her. The kids finally fell asleep and I need yall to come keep me company. If you click this ---> magic button o'fun <---- it will magically transport you to Mrs. P's. I have to warn you however, I don't have a magic button to get you back, so you will be stuck there. But there are plenty of fun things for us to do to keep us occupied. You won't regret it! See you soon!

Big puffy hearts,
LwE

Monday, May 24, 2010

Bored Out Of His Mind

Edward has been really bored lately. I'm not sure what has caused his sudden boredom, but one thing I told him is that we are not moving. He huffed at this statement. So I'm wondering if he is trying to develop a ploy to get us to change the scenery. Edward has only been here since September. Not even a full year. He shouldn't be ready to go yet.

Now Edward didn't come out and tell me about the boredom. It is something that I figured out on my own. He started displaying some different behaviour. Well, different since his last deviancy during the whole werewolf debacle. But Edward has been very good lately, and recently he seems to have gone backwards a bit. Now he isn't doing anything malicious or conspiratory, just out of the ordinary, getting himself into trouble or being ....... weird. Hmmmm, I haven't considered the fact that maybe he is learning any of this from Eduardo.

Anyway, here is what led up to my bored theory. It all started one day in my car. Edward decided that he wanted to pick some music. I agreed and he went to my visor CD holder and picked something out.

I was very surprised to see his choice of Butch Walker. This isn't Edward's favorite CD. He doesn't really mind so much when I play it, but doesn't really connect with it lyrically. Butch tends to write whatever he thinks without caring about what other people think and can be a bit controversial and rebellious, but not too shocking. So when Edward picked it, I became a bit suspicious. And I soon found that my suspicions were well founded.

Edward started swinging from a necklace I have hanging from the rear view mirror.

I told him to stop that immediately. Did he want me to get into an accident?? That's all I need. "Um, I'm sorry officer. You see, I didn't know that I was driving into the wrong lane because my tiny plastic vampire hit me in the eye because he wanted to play Tarzan." That would have gone over well. So then Edward thought he would try some other form of fun.

When I saw what he was doing, I gasped. "Edward, what on earth? Are trying to moon people?!"
"Perhaps."
"Well, knock it off! What has gotten into you?"
"Just wanted to try something new."
"Then take up a hobby. Don't do things that could get me pulled over." I thought about that scenario. "Um, I'm sorry officer. My tiny plastic vampire wants to broaden his horizons by showing his tiny plastic butt to society." Yeah, that would get me out of a ticket. As I contemplated how Edward almost got me into trouble twice, now, I thought that Edward should be put somewhere he could stay inconspicuous.
"Now, I know you can get out of there easily, but I'm trusting you not to."
".......Fine....."
Later that evening, at home, I found Edward engaging in another activity that is out of his character.
Yes, he is pulling the string on the blinds and making a ride out of it. You have got to be kidding me. I let him continue this because he gave me a look begging me not to ruin his fun. So I warned him not to break anything, or he would be in big trouble.

Most of you know that I take Edward everywhere. He has a spot in my purse. So after work one Saturday I had to go to a bridal shower. So naturally Edward had to go with me. Let me tell you, he was BORED. Edward and cutesy girl things don't mix. If you have a mini Edward, I suggest to leave him at home with some movie rentals or something for such occasions.

Edward really didn't like it when we dressed him up as a bride. But he looked so cute. And tolerant.


"Can you hurry up and take the picture?! This is humiliating."

"But you look so cute."
In angry voice, "I'll show you cute."
"What was that, Edward?"
"I said thank you for bringing me here."
Isn't he sweet?

Then Edward started to try to find his own fun.

"Edward, get out of the center piece!"
"Leave me alone. I'm doing yoga."
"No your not. You're embarrassing me. Now get out of there."

Edward listened and got out, but was still determined to be rebellious.


"Edward! Do you want to get me kicked out?! Where did you get a cigarette?"
"Your mom."
"This is no time for a "your mom" joke."
"No seriously, your mom gave it to me. I asked her for it when you went to get more cookies."
"Oh."
I then had a discussion with my mom on the topic of encouraging certain behaviour in Edward.

So I thought I would give Edward something to do. Maybe having a job would be a good distraction. There wasn't much that he could do, so I didn't have much to work with. So I just told Edward to hold this cookie. That was his job. Just hold the cookie. It's very important.


Edward held it for a few minutes and then decided that I was crazy for thinking that a cookie needed holding. Then I told him to check all the seashells in the center piece to make sure you could hear the ocean in all of them. Yeah, I was really at a loss for Edward jobs, so I was just making them up. He knew, but he was desperately bored and did it anyway.

"You said that if I hold a sea shell to my ear I should hear the ocean. But the only thing I hear is the jealous disgruntled thoughts of all the women in the room who aren't getting married."
So then I took Edward home.

Edward has also been displaying his boredom at work. However, so do I, but that is completely different. I have the attention span of a gnat. Anyway, I noticed Edward's boredom one day when he started stringing paper clips together. He isn't one for craft time, so I was a bit confused. Then he started showing me all the ways paper clips could be used and an accessory.

For example, a paper clip scarf.


A paper clip boa.


How about a paper clip sash?

And if you are really desperate, a paper clip noose.


Edward's boredom has been getting so severe, he has actually resorted to playing with human food.

"Here, I want you to eat this and tell me what it tastes like."
"It tastes like a salty corn chip."
"That's not helpful. Describe the taste to me."
"I can't. You have nothing to compare it to. If you want to know just try it yourself."
So he did. I was shocked. Now I know he is in desperate need of something new.
"EW!! What the hell is in this, turpentine?! How can you eat this?"
"How can you drink the blood of chipmunks? To me that sounds disgusting."
"You clearly don't know what good is."
I think I need to do something for Edward. He is clearly loosing it? What could I get Edward that would fulfill his wants and desires? I think I know just what he needs...........

Monday, May 17, 2010

Adventures Of Eduardo

Ever since I got my friend (to keep her anonymity, we will call her Sarah,) Eduardo, she has been very busy looking after him and documenting his experiences. So I'm going to let you all into Eduardo's world a bit today.

Sarah definitely has her hands full with him. In a very different way than I do with Edward. Even though Edward and Eduardo look incredibly similar and have a lot of things in common, they do actually have very different personalities. Edward is a very strong personality. He wants things the way he wants them and that causes some issues here and there, as you have seen. Edward is also a very careful creature. He usually doesn't do anything without severely thinking of the consequences first. He will let loose once in a while. But Eduardo is very different in this aspect. He just does whatever, whenever he thinks of it, which causes himself to be found in some uh.....shall I say.......precarious situations. I'll show you what I mean.

There have been a few times at work where things didn't go as planned. Eduardo tried to answer the phone, but the phone kinda took over.


Then Eduardo wanted to roll some quarters, but the quarter wrapper kinda took over.

Then he was helping Sarah stamp some documents and the stamp kinda took over.


Notice the theme? This isn't just at work either. Eduardo no longer likes doing laundry.


He also HATES playing darts.

I asked when the next time Eduardo was going to play darts and he said "Never again!".
I put words of Eduardo in green because Edward asked me to please not use his trademark blue. I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I agreed.
As you can see, Eduardo lands himself in some interesting situations. But Eduardo's um.....adventurous personality also makes him real fun. He enjoys doing so many things. Some you might not think would be that intriguing to a vampire, but Eduardo defies most of the myths with his "let loose and have fun" way of life.
For example, Eduardo is big into playing. Not really games, but kind of the way children play when they pretend to be certain things or characters.
Here is Eduardo pretending to be a super hero. He got a make shift cape, tied himself to the chandelier and pretended to fly all around.

However his reckless behavior got the attention of the cat.


And the cat put Eduardo's fun to an end.


Eduardo didn't care though, he thought it was funny. Now if that happened to Edward, I would have said goodbye cat.
Eduardo also loves to tell stories. Here he is with an avid group of listeners.

"Once upon a time, there was a very handsome vampire. He was a very good vampire, too. Do you know why? Because he didn't drink the blood of humans. Do you want to know what he drank? You do?! Great! Why don't you all come a little closer and I'll show you." Photo of cute, little, fuzzy animal massacre not included. I guess this may be another thing Edward and Eduardo have in common.

Eduardo has his simple pleasures too. He loves a nice hot bath.

Sometimes he prefers more of a bubble bath.


And he likes snuggling up in his towel after said bath.



And he is vain. Yet another thing he has in common with Edward.

Eduardo is so vain that he even takes his weight seriously.



Edward fixed the scale to read 125 whenever it is used and sent Eduardo into a tizzy with working out.


Edward thought this was a very good practical joke. I had my doubts but Edward was positive that Eduardo would fall for it. To my surprise he did. Always trust a mind reader to play a good prank. Eduardo does know he is frozen the way he is, right?? I guess he is just that paranoid about it.



Eduardo has been caught doing some other um.....interesting things around the house. It turns out that Eduardo has a thing for the book Treasure Island and secretly wishes to be a pirate.

"Ahoy there matey! You must bring me your mountain lion, you scurvy fool, or I shall make you walk the plank!" Apparently mountain lion trafficking pirates exist in Eduardo's world.
Eduardo has also been caught playing dress up.

"Mmmmm.......mmmm" Eduardo thinks it's funny and ironic when he dresses up as another mythical creature. Very scary, Eduardo. Good job. We like to encourage him as much as possible. With his child like personality, we just can't bear to hurt his feelings. Edward scoffs at this. He may be jealous.

Eduardo also has hobbies. One of his favorite pastimes is bike riding.


I thought he would much rather run, but for some reason this brings him great joy.

Eduardo has one of the same hobbies as Edward. Creating mischief.

This gives Sarah one of my hobbies. Creating punishment.


If you like spending so much time playing with the toilet, you can surely clean it.

Eduardo has a huge interest in marine life. He wants to go to school for marine biology. Either that or work at Sea World. He is still undecided. Here he is enjoying a dolphin thrill ride.


And Eduardo is a very accomplished fish dentist.

"Hmmm. This doesn't look good, Leo. It definitely has to come out.......... yes that is my professional opinion ............ what do you mean you want another consult........ it hurts, is black and makes you drool, I'm pretty sure it needs to be extracted ............... that won't work........... yes, I'm sure, you imbecile.........what did you just call my mom...........I swear, if you weren't cold blooded, I would have a much more efficient way to put you out of your misery."
This is again another similarity between Edward and Eduardo because of their mind reading abilities. Very strange one sided conversations.
Well, that is all for now. I could keep going, there are plenty more Eduardo pics, but we will save them for another time. Edward is getting antsy. He is afraid that Eduardo is going to steal his blog. I keep reminding him that it's called Living with EDWARD, not Eduardo. Why are these little vamps so paranoid all of the time? Sheesh.

Mystery Solved

All right, ladies and gent, Edward was the one holding the paper in both photos. Give yourself a pat on the back if you got it right. If you didn't, Edward still loves you and so do I!

Tonight I shall give you a better introduction into the life of Eduardo. So stay tuned!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

You Think You Know Edward?

It's time to play a little Living with Edward game. Now this is a game I can win with flying colors, but that is only because I'm with Edward every day. But you all may have seen enough photos of Edward to be able to detect him or an impostor.

So while Edward and Eduardo were gleefully wasting paper on my printer today, I decided to perhaps see how many of you really know Edward. This is tough, because I didn't use direct face shots, so it's a real challenge. You may revert back to old posts to try and compare paint. After all, no two Edward's are alike.

So which one is Edward? Holding the paper or not holding the paper?


How about now? Did they switch? Remember, I am an expert Edward poser, so I can switch them and put them in the exact same positions easily. But did I?? There is no prize for getting this challenge correct. Only the warm fuzzy feeling you will get inside for really knowing Edward. And if you get it wrong, Edward will understand and still love you. He is not too stubborn to not admit the likeness him and Eduardo share.

And Ps. Edward still wants you to go see Eclipse with him. I know I keep posting this, but he is making me. So if it annoys you, you have to take it up with him. He hopes that you are not insulted with his persistence.

Oh, and he says "Be safe". Whatever that means. He told me you would all know what he meant.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Holy Snot Rockets!!

I can't believe it's time already. Time for what, you ask? Time to buy Eclipse tickets!!

Here is Edward with his New Moon tickets, no Eclipse tickets yet. You may wonder, well what is he waiting for? YOU!! Most of you know about this post where Dangrdafne and I invited you to come see Eclipse with us. That was over a month ago already, can you believe it? I can't. Well tickets go on sale tomorrow so it is time for us to pick a venue that we can all get to and buy the tickets. Some theaters are going to do a triple feature with all 3 installments of Twilight, so we need to see who wants to see what and find a theater that offers it. Honestly, I'm not sure if I can sit in a theater for over 6 hours watching movies, maybe I can. I don't have to go to work the next day, so I'm up for anything you guys want, but some of you do have to work, therefore I am not going to push anyone either. Whatever is fine with me.

So what I need from you guys is a head count of who is coming, asap! So far I know of a certain boot wearing blonde that suggested an interest. wink wink. So please get back to me right away at livingwithedward@yahoo.com or contact Dangrdafne at dangrdafne@gmail.com.

Ps. Edward still wants you....



Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Me? Cookie Thief? I Think Not

There seems to have been some confusion going on over at Violet Delights about the free cookies being offered and who the hell took them all. Mr. Pantz seems to think that it was I that ate all the cookies and didn't leave any for any one else. Musing Bella has also been named a suspect. You see Mr. Pantz caught me at the empty plate of cookies with what he says "crumbs all over my chesticles". Now this may be true, but I can assure you that I did not put the crumbs on said chesticles, as I was also flabbergasted at the empty cookie plate. The crumbs were thrown at me before I could see who was there before me. So in an effort to clear my name, I did some detective work to find the real culprit.

Working at a bank taught me that when there is something fishy going on the first thing you do is check the surveillance tapes. So that's what I did. Don't you all have security cameras on your blog roll? Well you should.

Here is what I found:
The cookie thief is none other than mini Edward. I can't believe it. I let him out of my sight for 2 seconds and this is what he does. He doesn't even eat food for crying out loud! I have no idea why he would do this and he refuses to give me an answer on the matter.

So I would like to apologise to Mr. Pantz and Starlitviolets on behalf of Edward. He will never take all the cookies again. I want you to know that I am taking this matter seriously and Edward is undergoing severe punishment. For the next 3 days Edward has to eat a small can of cat food every 2 hours and keep the food down for at least an hour. You have no idea how hard it is to come up with punishments for vampires, but this one seems to be working.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Them Chinese Know A Thing Or Two

So we were out to eat for Chinese food one night, and of course Edward came along. He tolerated the smell for a bit, but the look on his face was pretty funny. There is a reason I always have Edward with me when I get Chinese. Always! Edward's talents are invaluable. With his heightened sense of smell, he is able to tell me if the chicken is really chicken. I suggest that you start taking your mini E out to eat with you. He can save you unnecessary hours spent on the pot yelling at yourself, "Why did I eat that?!"

Anyway, the waitress was kind and brought us 3 fortune cookies. She just thought Edward was the cutest thing. He rolled his eyes, as did I, but he said thank you for the cookie he wouldn't eat. Edward opened it anyway since we were reading our fortunes. He read his to himself then turned to me, showed me the fortune and said, "Here love, I think they accidentally gave me yours. This seems to pertain to you."

I smiled graciously and gave Edward a little pat on the head for his kindness, while thinking to myself, "This is soooooooo true!", and giving myself an ego boost.

Does anyone else see the importance of this, though? Anyone, anyone, Bueller?

Edward is a suck up.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Edward Gets A New Co-worker

Wow, I have been a blogging machine lately. I have been posting a lot. Don't get used to it, though. It's just a mood I'm in. I don't know how long it will last. So don't get bummed if I don't post again for another week, okay? Promise me. Now we can move on.



I am very lucky to be able to work at the same place as my best friend from high school. We have very good times being all giggly and annoying with each other. It's like we never left high school except we don't have any homework, not that I did it anyway. Anywhoosal, I've turned my friend to the dark side, and let her borrow Twilight. Then she started hinting that she wanted her own mini Edward. So what does a good friend do? That's right, enable. So I got her her own mini Edward. Being my friend has it's perks. So my friend brought her Edward to work, so of course, this means that we now have two Edwards' at our branch. They should work well together right? So I thought.........



Rainbow text makes all our lives easier.



Edward: Always blue

Other Edward: Green

Me: Pink



So, right away, Other Edward was very cordial, as was to be expected. That's just how Edward is. "It's nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Edward." Other Edward is on the right, here. However, that changes.



As you can see, Edward is not being very cooperative. He stood and stared at Other Edward for quite a few moments. He wasn't giving a friendly stare either. I think some one's ego was getting in the way. I decided to intervene. "Edward, don't forget your manners. Don't embarrass me now."

"Impossible, love. You do that enough yourself."

"Edward!"

Edward sighs. "Hello, Edward." I knew he would relent. Edward is a good vamp.



I spoke too soon. Edward used the hand shake to flip Other Edward over his head.


"Oopsy. Forgot my own strength for a moment. I hope you aren't too hurt."

"Edward! What the hell is wrong with you? You don't act like this. I don't understand. You apologise right now!!"

"I'm sorry I flipped you over my head and pounded you into the counter."

"It's ok. I understand completely." But I don't think Other Edward understood because he then kicked Edward to the ground.

"Ok, that is enough. Both of you stop this right now. Did you know this was a public place? I have to work, I can't be yelling at you two all day. What is wrong with you?" Then both Edwards' mumble their apologies to us and then sat and sulked. Oh my god, they are sulking. What the heck for? I think we are in for a long day.


If we couldn't get them to cooperate with each other, we were really going to have problems. They were both going to be at work with each other for three days a week. They have to learn to get along. So I thought a good idea was to give them a project they can do together. An exercise in bonding, if you will. So I had them wrap some nickels. That should be pretty safe right?

Things were very quiet. They were counting and stacking the nickels very efficiently. Then I though to myself that it was a little too quiet. That is when Edward threw a nickel at Other Edward's head. Then I had a revelation. They're mind readers. They are arguing with each other in their heads. Oh for crying out loud. So I separated them for a bit. They then worked away from the other for a while and then cooled down a bit after I made a rule of no mental arguing. They were obedient. I thought they were. I guess there was no way to make sure they were following the rule. So after few hours, and no poor behaviour, I decided that they could interact again. They showed a vast improvement and started displaying some friendliness. I knew they would come around.

"Alright boys, I have to go to lunch now. Will you be ok for a half hour?"

"Of course, love. Enjoy your break."

In a mocking voice, "Of course, love. Enjoy your break. Pfft. You're so whipped."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Ok, Edward, maybe you should come with me."

"Don't be silly. I'm fine. I'm not going to harm him or let him anger me. Don't worry, just go get your lunch."

"Alright......please be good. Both of you." The both agreed to behave so I left. However, I'm not convinced things went as well as they promised they would. Here is what I came back to.

"OH MY GOD!! What are you doing?!"

"Uh.......preparing for a magic trick?"

"Mmm..uumm...nnmm!!!"

I snatched up other Edward and quickly untied him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." I looked to Edward for an explanation.

"You really didn't think I was just going to let him mock me did you?"

Then I got stern. "Edward, Edward, you are both going to work together nicely whether you like it or not. Things are getting way out of hand, and I won't have it. You have to get used to each other because you are both going to be here together most days of the week. So at least just please try to get along. I'm sure you both have a lot in common." Both little vamps then spurted out an angry "Fine."
Then things were much better. The day was progressing normally and both Edwards' even had some pleasant interactions. But then Other Edward crossed the line.
"Dude, I totally need your stapler."
"Grrrrr..."
"It's just a stapler. What's the big deal?"
"It's my stapler. Can't you see? It has my name on it."
"Well, it has my name on it, too."
"Well, it implies me."
"Fine. I'll just wait till your not looking, then take it."
"Don't you dare!"
"You know, it's hard to take you seriously when you hair looks like that."
"What on earth do you mean?"
"Your highlights."
"Mine? Have you seen how screwed up yours are? At least mine look natural."
"I wanted more of a chunky look. It's more edgy and tough looking. Your natural highlights make you look like a pansy. But that might just be because you are a pansy."
"That's it! You asked for it!"
You have no idea how tempted I was to just let him light that match. But what kind of person would that make me? So I stopped it. Besides, Edward was only planning on taking care of half the problem. I thought the best way to solve this particular debacle was to just give Other Edward his own stapler and maybe give him another name, so that they each felt like they had their own identity. So we then deemed Other Edward, Eduardo. He seemed to be pleased with that. So that has at least alleviated some confusion.


Then I gave Edward some alone time. I told him to just hang out for a while. He took me literally. Even in all this turmoil, he still tries to make me laugh. He must feel bad.


Unfortunately, the antics didn't stop there. I have a feeling that at some point during the day Edward must have thought of his worst fear, because, while he was sorting through some rubber bands, Eduardo decided to sneak up on him wearing a costume.

That's right, Edward is deathly afraid of ghosts. There is nothing more that he fears. Some time ago, a man actually died in our building. He was an electrician working there by himself when the branch was closed. He got electrocuted and died. Edward was very weary in the building for weeks after I told him this story. He must have been thinking of it today.

Anyway, Edward had the feeling he was being watched and slowly turned his head to see what was there. "BOO!!"


"HOLY S#!%!!!!!! I have never heard Edward swear. He must have been really really scared. He went flying into a hiding place.


Then he realised it was Eduardo. He was not happy. Edward climbed back out of the tissue box, tackled Eduardo and carried him over to the drive thru.
"Edward, what are you doing?"
"Pest control."
I was really confused about what he meant. Then Edward threw Eduardo into a plastic canister and shoved it in the chute. Then I realised what was happening.

"No, Edward, don't hit the send button!" But I was too late. Eduardo was on his way outside. I ran over and hit the recall button to bring him back in hoping his head didn't get smashed off when he landed on it outside. When the tube came back, I quickly opened it to make sure there was no harm done to Eduardo. His reaction really surprised me.
"WOOOO! Again! Again! Again!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!! Hit the button! Hit the button! Hit the button!"
So I hit the button and sent him flying back out. Then brought him back in. He screamed for joy again and demanded me to hit the button another time. This went on for a bit while Edward watched. He tentatively asked Eduardo if he could try. Eduardo didn't hesitate to let Edward have his turn and even offered to hit the button. Apparently hitting the button is mega amounts of fun, although, it has never brought me such joy. The two little vampires spent the rest of the day together riding the drive thru tube and hitting the button. That is until the motor broke and we had to call in for service to get it fixed. We left out the details of what actually brought on the mechanisms demise. Edward and Eduardo were sad when the ride got shut down but still laughed and bonded over the experience for the rest of the day. After everything that happened between the almost killings, mockery, fear inducing, and brutality, a ride in a plastic canister makes up for all of it and brings them together. I will never understand boys.