Thursday, February 25, 2010

Edward Vs. The Laundry.....The Laundry Wins

Edward has been "acting" like he has turned over a new leaf since I have caught onto his scheming. For example, he has been more helpful around the house. Today is my day off and it decided to blizzard today, so I'm stuck inside. Might as well get something around here done. Guess it will be laundry today. Edward so chivilrously offered to help, although, he probably would anyway, he likes to stay busy. He asked me what I planned on washing and I told him the bed stuff. Edwrad: "The bed stuff? You mean sheets, blankets, pillowcases. Those items?" What else would bed stuff mean? I didn't ask him that though, trying to keep the peace. I just nodded. Then Edward quickly grabbed the comforter off the bed and ran down two flights of stairs with it to the washer. That was funny! I've never seen anything like that before.

Here he is putting the blanket in the washer. He did such a good job, but then there isn't much that Edward isn't good at.

"Hmm...I never tried laundry before. This is easy."

"All I have to do is put it in here, like this?" Well, Edward, you have to turn on the washer and add detergent. "Oh, right. That makes sense."

"Alright, washer is on and detergent is in. Looks good to me." Yes, Edward, that is very good. Thanks for the help. "No problem, love." Did Edward just call me love? What is he up to? Well, I won't question him on it now. No reason to start a fight, especially when he is willing to do house work.

I got so distracted by Edward's comment, that I didn't see the trouble starting to ensue at the washing machine. Oh no, Edward. Watch your step by the edge!

Edward: "Aaaahhhhhh!" OMG! Edward! Are you alright?!

"I'm ok! Hmmm, this is kinda nice. I could open up my own little vampire day spa in here." No Edward. "Fine." Now you better get out because the aggitator is going to start up soon.

"The aggitator? That doesn't sound enjoyable. Alright, I'm climbing out."

I can't stand it. Edward falls in a washing machine, gets soaked, climbs his way out, and when he does he looks like a model for rain unfair is that? Even the bouffant is sill in perfect ordrer! Ugh!
"Ok, I need to dry off. The peacoat is suffering."

Well, Edward, I could just put you in the dryer. I can't guarentee that you won't melt but you will definitly be dry. Edward: "Ha ha."

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I'm Starting to Worry

Ok, I don't know if it is just me, but I'm starting to worry that Edward might be planning some type of evasive action regarding my dog. Edward is still under the delusion that Derek is a werewolf and despite my efforts to make him understand that Derek is harmless, Edward is still very cautious of him. Which you can see here.

I asked Edward why he was standing like that and he told me, "Well, I can tell by the werewolf's expression that he is very irritated by my close proximity and my smell so close to him. So keeping my back to him gives me the quickest way of escape in case he lunges at me. It is mearly a safety precaution." For some reason, I had a gut feeling that Edward wasn't telling me the whole truth. He looked to be more on the offense rather than the defense that he was claiming. However, I decided to question him further in asking if he thinks that perhaps Derek seems uncomfortable because Edward is a natural preditor and all animals tend to be distant from him. Edward's reply? "That would be very convenient, but no." Edward knew I wasn't buying his excuses so he tried to distract me with a pleasent but "necessary" discussion about my safety with Derek. It was one of the strangest one sided conversations I have ever heard.

"Derek, I wish to discuss with you your plans for keeping our human free from peril today...........Well, I think that it's a very important issue............It is both our jobs, not just mine.............You needn't worry during the day, I will be with her at work..............No, I guess it will not interfere with your nap, and anyway, your nap is not as important.........Oh really?..........I am disgusted at your apathy of the situation. How can you not care about her safety?................I don't care that you are hungry.................No, I haven't seen your squeaky toy.............In the evening, like always.............I don't know, chicken maybe...............Yes, I will be in the car today...............The neighbor's cat? No................That's inappropriate.............You were already outside 10 minutes ago...............I didn't take your squeaky toy................Perhaps under the couch............No, I will not look for you............Because it is not my concern, the human is!.........Enough!! I will just watch over her myself. And you're supposed to be some great protector? Poor excuse for a werewolf."
Edward then approached me telling me he was ready to leave for the day. I asked him how his conversation with the dog went. Edward said,"He is so incompotent. He has a complete disregaurd for your safety. Right now his main concern is cheese and obtaining a substantial amount of it." Well, you know Edward, most dogs really like cheese. That comment got me a heated glare.
Even though, Edward has Vlad now, and can understand why I like having Derek, his feelings toward him have not changed. I'm starting to get worried that Edward is planning something and I don't like that. He is definatly keeping something from me. I noticed that Edward is around Derek a lot more, but not in a good way. More like a sneeky way. Like Edward is being really observant of Derek and his routine. I didn't start noticing it until I took a picture of Derek one day. When I downloaded the pic to my computer, I noticed something disturbing.

I didn't even know Edward was in the room! After this I started observations of my own and sure enough, Edward is lurking. A bit stalkerish. Maybe I shouldn't be too surprized. I mean, I've read the Twilight Saga. This is definalty a character trait of his. I'll have to figure out a way to defuse it before he gets out of hand and something bad happens. But how?.......