Monday, December 20, 2010

A Pox In Our House

A lot of you know that I had some epic fun during the Eclipse DVD release weekend. You can read about it here. During this fun time, Dangrdafne and I stopped at a Toys R Us to check out the Twi loot and did we hit the mother load! Half off everything! So I got myself another friend. I decided on the sparkly New Moon Edward. He was the last one and only five dollars and I don't have a sparkly one. So I quickly adopted the little fella to take him home.

Anyway, when I got home I didn't take the newby out of his box right away and tried to keep him a secret from Edward. You all know how he gets when bring home another friend. So the next day I woke to find this scene going on in my room.

EC, Edward, Ed, and Anthony decided to have a poker game.

Rainbow Text Guide:
Me: Pink
Edward: Blue
EC: Black
Anthony: Green
New Guy: Red
Ed and Jasper: Grey

"Did you guys really have to wake me up to play poker? And where are the others?"
"They went out hunting. We are waiting for Jasper to get here so we have a fifth player."

Edward's statement reminded me of the new Edward I brought home the previous day......and now the others now know, too.

"What did you do?! You have a problem. You need to speak to someone about this obsession. It's getting out of control."

I didn't even reply. I just sighed and went and got the new guy to introduce to them.

"Hello.  I'm Edward.  Nice to meet  you."

"No you're not.  I'm Edward.  You shall now be known as Number 9.  Because you are the 9th Edward to be brought to live here and I'm running out of name ideas."
"Ok, so what are you guys up to?"
"We were going to play some poker.  Do you want to be our fifth player until Jasper gets here?"
Then Anthony was brave and rude enough to ask the obvious question.
"Dude, what's wrong with your face?"
"What?  Nothing."
"There is totally stuff all over your face, neck, and chest.  What is it?"
"It's nothing.  I sparkle.  I'm a vampire.  It's what I do.  Where are all your sparkles?"
"Uh....real vampires don't sparkle."
"Sure we do!  Look at me!"
"I think you may have some form of Vampire Acne."
"No I don't!!"
"Vampire Mumps?"
"Vampire Pox?"
"Stop it!  There is nothing wrong with me!"
"Here.  Perhaps you should try this."

Number 9 was not happy with Anthony's suggestion and took it quite offensively.  He lashed out violently throwing the bottle at Anthony and knocking him over.

But as he did this, something happened to Number 9 that he wasn't expecting and he lost his balance.

The Edwards were quite concerned at what Number 9's foot falling off meant.

"Oh no!  It's worse than we thought.  He has Vampire Leprosy!"
Number 9 pulled himself up the wall, using it for support while the other Edwards put some space between him and themselves.

"I do not have Vampire Leprosy.  There is no such thing. That is preposterous."

"Uh oh."
"Dude, your arm just fell off!"
"He totally has Vampire Leprosy!"
"It's probably contagious!"

Then the little vamps grouped together to get more of a safe distance from Number 9.

At this moment, Jasper had finally showed up for the poker game.

"Hey guys. Sorry I'm late. What's wrong with this guy?"
"Jasper, get away! He has Vampire Leprosy!"

"What on earth are they talking about? There is no such thing as Vampire Leprosy."
"That's what I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen."
"They can be very stubborn."
"I've noticed."
"Jasper! I'm telling you, you need to step away before you catch it!"
"You guys are so absurd. There is no such thing as Vampire Leprosy, so just stop being so ridiculous and help him reattach his arm and foot."
"I'm not going near him!"
"Nothing is going to happen to you. Trust me."

"Ahh! Jasper has been infected!"

"That's the last time I trust a vampire."
"We need to get them in quarantine before it spreads to the rest of us."

So Edward and Ed found a suitable quarantine containment unit and quickly threw Number 9 and Jasper and their infected appendages into it.

They then furiously went to the sink to wash any "VL" germs off their bodies.

"Maybe we should use this just in case."

So Edward and Ed used the acne cleanser to help keep the Vampire Leprosy away. They then returned to the others to discuss the situation.

"How long do we have to stay in here?

"I don't know. I really wish we had a mini Carlisle!"
"What is going on in this house? First we have Jacob's problem with turning into a chipmunk instead of a wolf and now this! What are we going to do?
"I'm not sure. Uh,.....I guess we google?"
"Couldn't hurt."

So off they went to google Vampire Leprosy and Werewolf chipmunk mutations. I really hope they find answers.


Jaymes805 said...

HAHAHAHAHAHHA This is awesome!!! Poor guys! Vamp leprosy! I hope they are ok. I'm still very curious about Jacob and how he's doing :)

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

I love this! Your tribe do have some adventures, don't they.

Kiwi-Ed is pissed off at me. I can't find the outfit he so badly wants, and he's refusing to make his public debut until I do. Watch this space.

Dangrdafne said...

OH NO!!!! Maybe that is why he was only $5!!! LMAO!!! Half off because you can only use half of him LOL!!!!

My boss just caught be laughing at your post - ooops

Mini-Carlisle where are you???!!! We should send this post to Peter Facinelli and get him on the case. When I get home tonite I am tweeting the link!!!

Poor Number 9 and Jasper :(

Trixie and Tess said...

You have got to get a Pocket Carlisle. STAT. He'll know what to do. He always does.

LOL. VL, that's a new one. Maybe that's what my Fancy Pocket Edward has. He lost his foot too. Let me know what you find out on Google.


Living with Edward said...

@DD: That probably is why he was only five buckd! Because he's sick. I didn't even think of that.

If PFach reads and comments, I will fall over.

TheRugbymom said...

Absolutely fabulous post!

I don't know if it works on vampires, but it took super glue to stick Pocket Bella's head back on. Then I tied her arms behind her back. She's been tied up for several weeks now. She finally stopped struggling. Good girl!

Now I need to go check my New Moon Edward in the torn shirt. Maybe I should quarantine him until we see what happens at your house! I also need to check closely to see if he has mipple issues like Edward did in the movie!

Anyhoo, I'll keep my fingers crossed that Pocket Carlisle shows up to diagnose and treat your babies!

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

Oh no VL sounds serious! This is precisely why they need to speed up the process of creating Carlisle.

I seriously wish my Toys R Us would put our Twi merch on sale but nooooo they keep it full price and leave it out even with only 1 piece each until they're gone. *stomps foot and pouts* not fair. Thank god for amazon and ebay.

17foreverlisa said...

LMAO!! I swear I just about pee my pants every time I read a post of yours.

So, which came first...the shoe falling off and the idea for a post, or the idea for a post and you taking the shoe off?

Love the picture of Edward with his arms raised up in front of the rest of the gang. He clearly feels very protective of them ;)

Charla said...

Bwahahaha! I love it!!!

PS. I have that face wash and it bleaches the shit out of everything!...but keeps the zits to a minimum. ;)

rottymama said...

Did you use "epoxy" to get rid of that illness? hahaha

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

OMG! How did I miss this post????
The Edwards leaning away from Number 9 had me ROLLING, freakin' hysterical.
Poor Jasper and Number 9. Thank goodness the boys cleaned themselves up.
I hope they don't throw Bella in the

TigerlilyRose said...

I am sooooo behind! This was great! Another fabulous installment of Living with Edward!

succubus said...

Dangrdafne totally just linked this to me because MY NM Ed just lost his foot too! Cheaply made action figures...quick off to quarantine him! In my boobs.