Monday, December 13, 2010

Edward Answers Your Questions

A couple months ago I added to my blog an advertisement that stated that Edward would answer your questions. 
You can find it right here ----->
Well about a month ago, TheRugbymom sent me an email with a question to Edward.  I'm just getting around to it now.  Truth be told, I was a bit apprehensive asking Edward TheRugbymom's question.  The first reason is because I never told him that I added the advertisement to the blog and is now entitled to answer any questions that are emailed to me.  So as I nervously told him about it I was pleasantly surprised that he seemed to be okay with it and wasn't angry.  So then I let him read the email.  He was no longer so "OK" with the idea anymore.  Once you see the email, I'm sure you will understand why.

Dear Edward,
After reading RobP33n Wednesdays http://thecoldshower.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/robp33n-wednesday-lets-get-scientific/ for the past few weeks, I've been studying your picture on the blog header.


I was wondering why you appear to be hung so much 'better' than the Pocket Edward doppelgangers who live with me? What are you packin' in there?


And how do the others - Masen, Cullen, Anthony, Ed, Eddie, Newdward, EC, Jasper, and Jacob - stack up against you?

I suspect my Edwards might have been cheated. I'm wounded! Now I wonder if my boys can even read mings? WTF??

Very truly yours,
xoxoxo
TheRugbymom

Edward yelled at me for a good 20 minutes after he read it.  I told him that he has to field the question now since I said he would answer questions.  So he sighed and with a defeated look called Jasper to come over and gathered his brothers and Jacob, who is still stuck as a chipmunk, to see how they ..... uh..... measured up.

Rainbow Text Guide
Edward: Blue
Anthony: Green
EC: Black
Jasper: Red
All other Edwards and Jacob will be in grey.

After Edward had all the others gathered he nervously broached the subject.

"So, guys, uh, did any of you know that LwE told all her followers they could email me questions?"

"Yeah, I knew."
"Me too."
"Squeak!"
"How did you all know?!"
"We read the blog.  Don't you read it?"
"I live the blog!!  I don't have to read it!"
"Apparently you do."
The Edwards then snicker at Edward's ignorance.
"Whatever.  TheRugbymom sent me a question and wants to know, uh, something about all of you."
Edward then told them all the question he was asked.  There was no response from any of them except for quiet murmuring amongst each other.  Edward took this to mean he should continue.

"So I have something that will tell us what TheRugbymom wants to know."



"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to need a bigger tape measure."
"Oh god."
"Anyway, I guess we'll all take turns."
I think if Edward could blush he would have.

"I also brought something else to help us."



"A feather?"
"What do we need that for?"
"Uh, well, um, some of you may have, uh....... trouble with ....this.  So I did some research and thought that one of us may have to act as a "fluffer" and the feather would be ...... uh .... stimulating?"



"Now hold on!  What exactly are your intentions with this whole little experiment of yours?"
"What are you talking about?  It's not mine."
"Oh sure it's not.  All you do is walk around here with your questionable sexuality, tell us what to do, and now this!  You fabricated this all to get us to expose ourselves to you!"
"WHAT!!  I would never....I don't like.....this is absurd.....I..."
"Look, he's stuttering.  I think you are right."
"No!  He's not!"

"I think he is Edward.  I knew there was something ..... different about you when I first got here.  You were always complimenting my coat."
"Of course I complimented it.  I like it.  We have the same fashion sense.  It doesn't mean I have a crush on you!"
"Did you hear that?  He's talking about fashion.  I think he is gay."
"I'm not gay!!"
"Look, Edward, we don't care if you are.  It's the deception that insults us.  We don't appreciate that you are tricking us into your own little peep show."
"I'm not tricking you into anything!  I'm not gay!  I'm doing this for TheRugbymom.  Because of LwE I have to answer the question!  I don't want to hear any anymore talk about being gay!  Now everyone drop their pants so I can measure your penises!"
This created a negative response from the rest of the Edwards.

"GET HIM!"

They were not going to put up his deceptions any longer.  I kinda felt bad for Edward as he was getting pummeled on the bottom of the little vampire scrum. (Like my rugby lingo? Seemed fitting)  I should feel bad for not asking his permission to volunteer him for answering anyone's question.  But he does need to learn how to communicate better with his brothers.

Jasper and Jacob were left to witness the violence.


"So when do you think I should tell them all that Edward was telling the truth?"
"Squeak!"
"Yeah, I think it should go on for a little while longer, too."

So Edward was left to his beating.

Much later, this was how I found him.



"I hope you are happy, love."

I didn't miss how he hissed the endearment.  It appears Edward is very capable for holding a grudge.  Some of you may have seen that he has been getting mouthy with me on Twitter.  That's right.  Edward has his own Twitter now.  You can follow him at @Mini_Edward1901.

Anyway, here is Edward's answer to the question.

Dearest TheRugbymom,

It was great meeting you and your daughter in Forks.  You were both so delightful.

I want to thank you for sending in your question.  I learned a few things myself in researching the answer.  Such as to be mindful of the "vibes" you may be giving off to others.  I have finally been able to rectify the misunderstanding with my brothers with the help of Jasper.  There is no longer any confusion.  Thank God!

Anyway, I'm going to venture a guess that the difference you see in that picture in comparison to your own Edward companions is just an illusion of lighting and angle.  There is also some water that I'm laying in that may be producing the illusion that you see.  As far as the others go, I'm going to be on the safe side and say that we are all probably similar in that respect.  That's all I know.

Also if your Edward companions can not read mings, do not fret.  None of us have yet figured it out either.  Google has vastly disappointed me on this topic and I'm no longer sure that I want to promote Google with the enthusiasm that I have in the past.

I hope this helps
Sincerely,
Edward

There you have it.  If you have any questions for Edward you can email them to livingwithedward@gmail.com


The Edwards helped me put together an amazing Christmas play for DML this past week.  You can see it here --->  Super fun DML link!

10 comments:

Demanda said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! The feather killed me!!!!!

Poor Edward... I would have had a hard time asking too!


Awww you ROCK lady! <3

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

I'm impressed you had time to post, what with dealing with Edward's tantrum on twitter this afternoon. I hope he took a long hard look at himself during that walk in the rain!

"All you do is walk around here with your questionable sexuality, tell us what to do, and now this!" ---> BRILLIANT! You're hilarious, LwE!

Kiwi-E is settling in well, although he is angry that he still hasn't been able to find the shirt he's looking for. He won't let me write a post about him until he finds 'just the right look'. Hmm, I'm hoping I don't have to question his sexuality - or fashion sense!

Watch this space...

And good luck to Jacob, although I kinda hope he gets stuck as a chipmunk for some time, he's much quieter. And less smelly.

*Jelly Baby* said...

ROFLMAO!
First things first. I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw all your Edwards lined up. JFC, you've got quite a collection there, girl.

And then I nearly chocked when I saw Jacob! Bwahahahahaha!! Brilliant, just brilliant!

Dangrdafne said...

Oh my. Poor Edward.

Rena said...

Oh Edward, Edward, Edward! You continue to slay me with your thoroughness when researching a topic. I'm glad to see you will go to any...ahem...length to get the job done!

Thanks for brightening my day, as always! Be nice to @LwE on Twitter. She brought you into this world - she can take you out! You are a very charming little vamp -- I love it when you're all gentleman-like. It makes me all swoony! =)

TongueTwied said...

LMFAO!! And I get sucked in every time! Interesting take on the fluffer! LOL!!!

17foreverlisa said...

ROFLMFAO!!! This is hilarious, LwE. Sorry, Edward, but this really is an epic post.

"A couple months ago I added to my blog an advertisement that stated that Edward would answer your questions. 
You can find it right here ----->
Well about a month ago, TheRugbymom sent me an email with a question to Edward.  I'm just getting around to it now.  Truth be told, I was a bit apprehensive asking Edward TheRugbymom's question.  The first reason is because I never told him that I added the advertisement to the blog and is now entitled to answer any questions that are emailed to me.  So as I nervously told him about it I was pleasantly surprised that he seemed to be okay with it and wasn't angry.  So then I let him read the email.  He was no longer so "OK" with the idea anymore.  Once you see the email, I'm sure you will understand why.

Dear Edward,
After reading RobP33n Wednesdays http://thecoldshower.wordpress.com/2010/10/13/robp33n-wednesday-lets-get-scientific/ for the past few weeks, I've been studying your picture on the blog header.



⁠⁠


I was wondering why you appear to be hung so much 'better' than the Pocket Edward doppelgangers who live with me? What are you packin' in there?


And how do the others - Masen, Cullen, Anthony, Ed, Eddie, Newdward, EC, Jasper, and Jacob - stack up against you?

I suspect my Edwards might have been cheated. I'm wounded! Now I wonder if my boys can even read mings? WTF??

Very truly yours,
xoxoxo
TheRugbymom

Edward yelled at me for a good 20 minutes after he read it.  I told him that he has to field the question now since I said he would answer questions.  So he sighed and with a defeated look called Jasper to come over and gathered his brothers and Jacob, who is still stuck as a chipmunk, to see how they ..... uh..... measured up.

Rainbow Text Guide
Edward: Blue
Anthony: Green
EC: Black
Jasper: Red
All other Edwards and Jacob will be in grey.

After Edward had all the others gathered he nervously broached the subject.

"So, guys, uh, did any of you know that LwE told all her followers they could email me questions?"


Love this:
⁠⁠

"I live the blog!!  I don't have to read it!"

Well, Edward, you always measure up in my book. Mwah!

Great question, RM.

TongueTwied said...

@therugbymom, EXCELLENT observation and question! Thanks on behalf of the rest of us. :)

Jaymes805 said...

Lol poor Edward!!!! I love love LOVED this post...and it made me want to ask Edward a question but I'll have to come up with something REALLY good.

Still can't wait to find out what's goin on with Jacob :)

TheRugbymom said...

I'm such a failure! The Gentleman From Washington State by Betty Smith has been pwning me all weekend. I haven't checked any blogs, emails, or twitter! I have been patiently waiting for Edward to respond to my question, and I almost missed it!

First, let me say thanks to LwE for having to be the messenger with my perverted questions. And a very special thank-you to Edward for trying so hard [TWSS] to get me an accurate and complete answer. I am so grateful for the information. I owe you bewb-gropes and a blow-job for your honesty!

I've started creating my own ahh-mee of Pocket Edwards and today my fifth Edward [Eclipse Edward] came in the mail! I'll do some comparisons of my own just to be sure!

Thanks! Loved your answer!

xoxo
TheRugbymom