Wednesday, October 27, 2010

While I Was Away

So a lot happened while me and four of the Edwards were in Forks. Four other Edwards were left at home to monitor Bella, make sure she stayed out of trouble herself, and keep Victoria at bay. She has not made another appearance to anyone but is believed to still be in the house. I don't know how eight mind readers can't find one lone vampire in the house. To be honest, I think they just don't care that she is there. They are probably hoping that Victoria takes Bella away, and that is probably why Victoria hasn't done anything yet.

Anyway, on a phone call to my husband while I was in Forks, he informed me that while in the house, he heard a commotion coming from the bedroom. He said it sounded like there was some type of fighting going on. Here is what happened.

First let's get reacquainted with the four Edwards who stayed home.

Anthony, Cullen, Ed, and Eddie

Rainbow Text Guide:
Anthony: Blue
Cullen: Green
Ed: Red
Eddie: Aqua
Bella: Brown

"I can't believe they just left us here!"

"I know. I wanted to go to Forks so bad."
"We have to stay back and groom the dog, just because Edward wants us to, while everyone else is having fun. What's up with that?"
"Well he did order the grooming supplies. No reason to let them go to waste."
"Ok, Cullen is definitely pouting."
"I don't want to groom the dog."
"Here's a question. How come Masen got to go to Michigan and Forks? Where is the fairness in that?"
"He got to go on two trips?! No! No! No! No!"

"Hey guys!"

"Edward said that you guys were going to take care of me while he was gone. What do you all want to do? We should all go snuggle!"

"No! No! No! No! No!"
"No! No! No! No! No!"
"No! No! No! No! No!"
"No! No! No! No! No!"

"Derek, thank God you're here."

"I think they are all having seizures! Let's go get help."

Then Bella and Derek left the room. Bella to try to find someone who knows how to treat seizing vampires, and Derek out of boredom. After a few seconds, the boys heard a scream following by some thumping sounds. It got their attention.

"What the hell was that?!"
"I don't know, but if something happens to Bella while she is in our care, the human is going to do something really bad with that zippo."
"I'll go check it out."

Here is what Anthony found.

"Bella! What happened?!"
"The dog shoved me down the stairs."
"Well, he is a very smart dog. Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had worse."
"Apparently not worse enough."
"Oh, nothing. Let's get you back upstairs."

So Anthony very valiantly took Bella back upstairs with him.

"What are we going to do? The other's haven't been gone even ten minutes and she has already fell down the stairs. How are we going to get through five more days?"

"I have other things I wanted to do this week. I can't spend the whole time watching her. I need some Me time!"
"Yeah, me too."
"There has to be someone else who can take her for the week."
"I have an idea!"

Ed then ran for the door.

"Where are you going?"
"Toys R Us!"
"Oh! Can you get me a stuffed panda?"
"I'm coming, too! You may need help."
So Ed and Anthony left for Toys R Us while Cullen and Eddie were left to babysit.

"Ok, so I guess it's just us for snuggling."
"Bella, do you like the beach?"
"I love the beach!"

"Here, why don't you play in there for a while?"
"Ok! I'm going to build a sandpire!"
"You do that. Wow, that may just be the most clever thing she has ever said."
"She should be occupied for a few hours now. Let's go play Call of Duty."
"I'm so going to pwn your ass this time."
"Ha! Go for it, pretty boy."
"You realize that you just insulted both of us, right?"

So while Cullen and Eddie were on their 8th game Anthony and Ed finally returned from Toys R Us with what they were hoping would be Bella's new babysitter.
"Please, come in. You are more than welcome here."

Words of Jacob: Black
"I don't know if I should trust you leeches. You sound all nice now, but what is it you want?"
"Jacob, I think it's time that we put the past behind us and be friends. We have so many fun things to do here and we just wanted to share. Please don't think that we have and ulterior motive."

"Why did you just secure the door and block my path to it?"
"No reason."
"We love blocking doors. It's kind of a hobby of ours."
Then Cullen and Eddie came to greet Jacob.

"How many of you live here?!"
"The other four are away on a trip. There are eight total."
"You want me to live with EIGHT stinking vampires?! Are you crazy?!"
"Dude, we have Call of Duty. And our human is going to get a Nintendo Wii soon."
"Sweet! Ok, I'll stay."
"Great! Now, there is a matter that we do need your help with. To be fair, we all do our part in this matter, so it's not just you. There is a responsibility we all share and if you live here, you will also be expected to participate."
"Ok, that souns fair. What is it?"
"Come with us and I'll show you."

"Oh, HELL NO!"
"Block the door!!"

"I got him!"
"Me too!"
Jake was then able to throw the vamps off him and get Ed by the throat.

However, Cullen wasn't having that and he launched an attack and was about to destroy Jake for hurting his brothers, but was quickly interrupted.

Words of Alice: Pink


"I have been worried sick about you guys! All of you disappeared about an hour ago. I had no idea what happened. What is the dog doing here?"
"Uh, he's here to watch Bella?"
"Uhg. You guys are idiots. That is supposed to be your job."
"Yeah, but there are only four of us here now. Shouldn't we get all the extra help we can with Victoria still loose in the house?"
"Even though I know you're lying, you do have a point."
"Wait, Victoria is here?"

The Edwards let Jacob up and all got together to tell him the situation. As you can see, Jasper is not very comfortable with the werewolf there and is ready to strike if need be.

"Yes, Jacob, she is here in the house somewhere. Apparently eight mind readers can't find her."
"Well, she is elusive."
"It is totally here gift for getting away."
"Yeah, totally."
"Whatever. Anyway Jake, we could really use your help to make sure Bella is safe."
Jacob sighs. "Fine. As much as I don't want to babysit, I don't want Victoria to be successful. I have been trying to get a hold of her for months. I'll help you."
"Thank you Jacob. Now, would you mind watching Bella for us for a few hours? The four of us do have some very important business to attend to."
"Sure, sure."

With that, the Edwards went to take care of their very important business, while Bella took Jacob to see the wolves.

"Look Jakey, I named this one Jacob, after you, and then that is Leah, and their puppies, Seth and Quil."
"Uh, in what universe would I have puppies with Leah?"
"What's a universe?"
"Nothing. Why does that one have a rope tied around it's neck?"
"Oh, it's a leash. One of the Edward's keeps that one as his pet."
"I'm living in a house where a vampire has a wolf as a pet? .........Fantastic."
"It is fantastic! I'm so glad you here. Aren't you?"
"Sure, sure."

While this was going on, the Edwards were dealing with their very important business.

"Look at what else I got at Toys R Us!"

"Sweet! I love Play-Doh!"
"Oh, this is going to be fun!"
"What should we make? Ahh, I'm so excited!"

So the Edwards spent the day with their Play-Doh being the creative little monsters they are.

"I like how this is turning out. It looks like a real stream."
"I like your bunny, man."
"Thanks. The grass is turning out nice too."
"Yeah, I can't believe the others went to Forks when they could be doing this!"
"I know! What tools!"
"...........Still jealous?"
"Completely, I'd rather be in Forks."

Me too fellas, me too.


Lindsay Rae said...

This is the fucking funniest shit I've read in DAAAAYS. Pretty sure I busted some brain cells laughing so much!! I wanted to highlight some of my favorite parts, but there were too many. This was fucking EPIC.

Mama Cougar said...


You're so creative, the playdoh cracked my shit up so hard. I screensprayed when I saw one of the Eddies wearing a playdoh baseball hat. The rock by his foot looks like a pile of wolf shit.

Soooooooo funny!

I know you put a lot of time and energy into these posts...thanks so much. This really made my day!


TwitardedMom said...

Wow. Just wow. Have I mentioned that I love how hilarious & creative your posts are? Well I do.

Just the break I needed in the middle of a crazy workday. Others have smoke breaks, I have Twi-blog breaks.

Mrs. Hall said...

why nobody like Bella?

Bella is a good girl, she can't help that's she special.


HG from Trueblood Twilight said...

LOL!! Your story is epic!! I like the play doh pics!

Me said...

Hahahahah LOVE it!!!! Your doggie is the CUTEST! Looks identical to my old roomates dog, Calvin.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

well...this belongs in a "best of" post...laughed my ass off!!!!!
The stuck Bella in a vase??? LMAO! And their faces when they turned to see what the noise was slayed me.
I love Ed's hat...(OMG...I can't believe I know that one is Ed) LOLOL!!!!!

TheRugbymom said...

Wait. Baseball cap? I thought that was some kind of turban! Whatever . . . very creative bunch you've got there. And they are all sooooo good looking, too!

Maybe you could get a storage shed [or box] separate from your house and let Bella and Jake set up their own little place inside? You know - they need a safe space where they don't have to feel threatened by the vampires!

So funny!!!

17foreverlisa said...

You never cease to amaze me! This is brilliant.

You know I loved the Cullen "C" baseball cap.

@Mrs. Hall - I like Bella ;)

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

PMSL! You are absolutely hysterical!!! I am dying here laughing so hard. My fav part Bella: "Jake!!" Jake: "Oh, HELL NO." Ed: "Block the door."

Those guys are so creative with the play-doh.

Dangrdafne said...

I love the No no no no no tantrum!! LOL!!!!!

Too clever for me. love it!!

How about Forks in 2011?? Bring the whole crew???!!! Just don't tell them yet... STOP THINKING IT!!!! LOL!!

tatoomickey said...

Oh, Hell no! LMFAO!!!!
I just love you LwE <3

Demanda said...

I LOVE the tantrums!

I still can't stop laughing at Derek's tounge hanging out while "talking" to Bella.

I enjoy your posts so much girl! You are so creative!!! Who knew that vampires played with Play Dough ;)