Sunday, September 5, 2010

It Is Always Important To Know That Edward Is A Vampire

This past Friday was my nephew's 3rd birthday and his party was at my brother's house. A couple of my family members were there and some of my sister in law's. It was a fun little shindig complete with cake, presents, and lemonade. I'm sure you have all been to some kind of birthday party, so I don't need to elaborate on the details.

Needless to say, Edward came along because, you know he goes everywhere. Edward thought I would find it funny if he pretended to be obsessed with the cupcakes.

"Mine!" He's so silly. Next he'll tell me he wants a tattoo.

Then Edward got a bit upset about something he found in the kitchen.

"What is this?! This is supposed to be a party for children!"
"That is why it is up on the fridge, Edward. The kids can't find it there. They are too small."
"Love, have you seen how tall I am? I had no problem finding it."
I did not answer him. It seemed a futile argument.

At some point during the night my nephew and his 4 year old cousin were chasing each other through the kitchen. They would catch each other and then poke the other with some little toys they were holding and start chasing each other again. It was at this point that I noticed the toys they were carrying and was instantly brought to a point of nostalgia. I recognized the little action figures they were playing with as toys that I have not seen in YEEEEAARRRSS. I could not believe my eyes. I asked them if I could see what they had and I was floored. My brother had kept all of our old G.I. Joes and most of our Ninja Turtles from when we were kids. My sister in law then told me where I could find the rest. So off I went to the toy room to look through a lot of my childhood toys. I was so excited! My husband was also excited to see some of the same toys he had as a kid too. Edward however, was a bit jealous. He does not like to be reminded of a time when my affections belonged to other action figures. When he came into the room to see what the big fuss what about, it turned out that the G.I. Joes and Ninja Turtles were not to fond of him either. They did not trust him and saw him as dangerous and immediately staged an attack. Edward was not having it. The first G.I. Joe to make a move was immediately thwarted by Edward.

This angered the rest of them and more came after Edward. They did not expect the strength they encountered with what they called "that pea coat wearing pansy". That angered Edward.

Sergent Slaughter was no match for Edward. "I wasn't impressed with you in the 80's and I'm not impressed with you now!"

Neither was that reptile looking guy. Then Edward was met with a new adversary.

"Your kidding me, right? A turtle? Come on now."

Shredder quickly joined the onslaught.

"Ok, the shirtless dude is kind of creepy. I don't like the way he's looking at me."

Some of the other action figures quickly had Edward surrounded.

Edward had finally had enough of their threatening and dropped the G.I. Joes and turned on the Ninja Turtle figures and the Star Wars Pez.

"I don't care if she cared about you all at one time! She is my human now!"
Edward went on a rampage! He had no mercy for his attackers.

He had them defeated in a matter of seconds. However, he didn't have it in him to destroy Yoda. He said that Yoda holds way too much wisdom and should not be destroyed. He is way too valuable.

Edward did however take revenge on the rest of the G.I. Joes and Ninja Turtles. It was an absolute massacre.

Look at all that destruction. Sometimes I forget what Edward is capable of. It was a sad day in the toy room. I am going to miss all those little guys. But they did attack Edward, and that does piss me off. So they had it coming.

Later that night Edward made a comment to me about the violent event.
"You know, it's true what they say. Knowing is half the battle. It's just too bad that they didn't know I was a vampire."


Dangrdafne said...

Bwhahahaha "Knowing is half the battle. It's just too bad that they didn't know I was a vampire." ROFLMAO!!!!!

Ohhh the horror!! So sad for all the old toys. Oh my!


I_heart_Fifty said...

Holy shiz you crack me up LwE!

Hi-lar-i-ous. Love it x

TongueTwied said...

Those poor, poor action figures! Resurrected only to be crushed by the fad of the 2000s!!!

That was a good one, LwE! Edward always has so much angst! He should have had a cupcake and stayed calm!

So much for, "I can never lose control..."

kassiecullen said...

LOL!!! I have some Barbies, weeble wobbles, and original playschool people that Edward can meet. Or a whole slew of wrestler action figures. My nephew has well over 100, we could watch Edward decimate them all muhahahahaha!

I should probably make an investment in my own mini :)

TwitardedMom said...

This is great. Wonder what would happen if Edward met a really great looking Barbie?

TheRugbymom said...

Good one LwE! Edward is too fucking much! I bet it felt great for him to let loose like that.

Sorry about the loss of all your childhood action figures. It's good for them that they live with your brother and not with you. If you tried to bring them to your place, it would be WWIII between them and all of the Edwards. *Shudder* Too much violence! We need to keep the beast tamed.

Speaking of taming the beast - I found a way to soothe my Pocket Edward and Pocket Edward w/Shades. After a good thumb job they relax and it almost looks like they are sleeping. Such sweethearts. Of course, you have so many in your collection, you might get carpal thumb or something if you tried to jerk them all off on a regular basis!

We can't wait to meet you in Ffffoooorrrrkkkksss! Please bring Edward and Masen with you - at the very least!

Mrs. Hall said...

just found this blog. so funny! so awesome!!!

thanks for the laugh!!!


Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Such a terrible path of destruction. Some people where halved and everything. Thank goodness no Barbie's seem to have been there to witness it.
He's such a jealous creature.

*Jelly Baby* said...


So, were you by yourself when you took these photos, or did you have an audience?

Jayla said...

dear lawd! PMSL...

Mary Edbrella said...

ROFL those poor toys took a beating