Saturday, September 18, 2010

Cupcakes Are Messy

Some of my past posts have shown that Edward can be quite the little helper. He does so much for me at work. Granted it is to keep himself from getting bored and to try to keep me appeased so I don't flip out on him, because my work place has the tendency to make me Splode. And if he doesn't want to get the brunt of my Splodyness, then he knows to do a little work.

Anyway, Edward has been looking for new ways that he can be a help to me. Since I work at a bank and basically sit on my ass all day, I have gained some poundage in the past couple years. Edward knows how sad it makes me to not fit into my jeans and other loved clothing items, so he has tried a new tactic in helping me get back into my skinny jeans. I don't know how productive it will be or how well he will be able to execute this plan as he is not quite designed for such a task. You see, Edward has decided that I am way too infatuated with sweets and to stop me from eating them, he is going to eat them before I get to them.

One day, when I was out with Dangrdafne and DangrDonna, my FOOORRRKSS traveling buddies, I really had a craving for a Red Velvet cupcake. Well we eventually went to this market and they had them!! I was so excited. I bought it and took it home for later consumption. Then at home, when I got it out, I made a comment saying "Wow, I really shouldn't eat this." That is where Edward took things into his own hands. Literally.

"Don't worry love, I will take care of it for you. With my help, you will be back into those size sevens in no time."

Edward was really excited to help me and really went for it. However, Edward really overestimated his ability to complete this task.

"Edward! What did you do?"

"Oh god, help me. It hurts. What was I thinking?"
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Nooooo. I think I'm going to die."
"Edward, you are already dead."
"I think I'm going to die again."
"Well, you are a mess. Let's at least get you cleaned up."
"Give me a few minutes. I can't move."

So basically Edward did an impression of me on Thanksgiving and glutted himself. His plan to aid my weight loss goals may not be the smartest he has come up with.

After Edward recuperated, I suggested that he clean himself off. He laid on the bed for quite some time so the cupcake and icing had all dried to him. Getting it cleaned off was not going to be easy. I suggested a bath to Edward. He was not happy about it. I think a bath made him feel a bit emasculated. So I took him to the bathroom to show him how messy he was.

"Holy monkey nuggets!! That is a lot of cupcake! Draw the damn bath."

So I did. I turned on the water in the sink, pulled up the stopper and got the soap.

"Uh, it's pomegranate mango scented soap."
"Yes, well, I'm all out of the manly I just rolled in the mud, beating up all my friends, and then drank a six pack scented soap. Sorry."
I have no patience for his ego. So in the soap went and we filled up the sink.

After the sink was full, Edward was very apprehensive about getting in.

"'s a bubble bath."
"It's not intentionally a bubble bath. It's just the soap. That's what happens to soap when you put it in running water. It gets bubbly."
"'s sill a bubble bath."
"It's a soap bath. It's just soap. You need it. That cake and icing is dried to you. Water alone won't get it off."
"Um.....but...there's bubbles."
"What is wrong with the bubbles?"
"What's right with the bubbles?"
So I shoved him in the sink.

"That was mean."

Edward then scrubbed all the cake and icing off very quickly, hating the smell of it on him. After he was clean, though, he did decide to enjoy some of the more recreational aspects of the water.
Here he is swimming.

Edward even does the back stroke.

And then he reprimanded me.

"Would you stop taking pictures of my bath time. It's really creepy."
Then Edward decided to just relax and enjoy the warm water for a while.

"You aren't going to stop, are you?"
"You know the answer to that question. Inquiring minds want to know."
After a while Edward finally extracted himself from the bubbles.

"I may have forgotten to rinse."
"Yeah? What was your first clue?"
"You are really snarky today."
"And what was your first clue to that?"
Edward may be losing patience with me. I think there is a statement about karma that can be inserted here.
After Edward rinsed himself off, he decided to shake himself dry.

"You know Edward, that is how dogs dry themselves."
Edward then opted for the towel.


Dangrdafne said...

Edward laying in the cupcake with it all over him is fabulous! What an awesome picture.

And then Edward with the towel - he looks so comfy with it.

I love that I was there for the start of this post - the purchasing of the cupcake LOL!!

Awesome post - I am glad he enjoyed the bath in the end too - phew!

Twired Jen said...

PMSL! This is classic. I too love Edward laying in the cupcake....Dirty boy.

Hmmm, I take a lot of baths, I think he & I will get along well in Forks!

xo J

Toefunny said...

These are some of the funniest pictures yet. Totally snorting over here!!

inotu said...

So my DH just looked over my shoulder to see why I was laughing so hard...he saw this may have come out that you'll be in Forks with me... He is VERY concerned now.

I can only imagine what Edward stories will come out of Forks! And I can't wait!

Dangrdafne said...

@ inotu - I have met Living with Edward and Edward personally and you are in good hand in Forks. I am even traveling with her and him so if I can do it your hubby has nothing to worry about. Really! Nothing! Ok maybe a little LOL!!!!

Living with Edward said...

@inotu: I can assure you that I am a completely normal person. There are no strange quirks about me at all that anyone needs to be concerned with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Again, I am a completely normal person. That should calm your hubby's fears because you know you can always trust everything someone you met on the internet says. Again, I'll reiterate. I'm normal.....and dryly sarcastic.

@DD: Thanks for sticking up for me. 10 days!!!!! SQUEEEEE!!!

inotu said...

Are you kidding I can not wait to meet all of you in Forks! Very excited. And I am sure you are normal. I'm normal, sort of.

My DH also thinks I'm having an affair with team_sixpack... He's mostly kidding, I think. Of course he is the one that bought me a full size Edward and carried it through the mall, then ordered my mini E online.

TwitardedMom said...

Fantabulous. If there is a best of LWE, this post definitetly needs to be included.

My son and I were laughing so hard about this post at IHOP this morning that I had to show Mr TM. I think he even smiled at the pictures.

TongueTwied said...

ROFL!! Oh gosh it had to be red velvet cake! For a second I thought it was blood!

"what's right about bubbles?" Edward! geez everyone loves bubbles! And you should be happy about said bubbles, not everyone gets to bathe and launder their clothes all in one shot!

TheRugbymom said...

Sticky Edward looks so yummy! I'd like to lick him all over! Nom-nom-nom!

Jayla said...

LwE: "that is how dogs dry themselves." PMSL... thank you!

17foreverlisa said...

LOL!!! I love the picture of him relaxing. It's like he's in a hot tub. It's going to be funny to actually meet him in FORKS because *covers his ears* it's like he's a real.

twilightcupcake said...

OMG, I totally needed this. You're pictorial is hilarious and I will definitely not forget this next time I'm baking. Thanks for making me laugh when I needed it :)