Anyway, Edward has been looking for new ways that he can be a help to me. Since I work at a bank and basically sit on my ass all day, I have gained some poundage in the past couple years. Edward knows how sad it makes me to not fit into my jeans and other loved clothing items, so he has tried a new tactic in helping me get back into my skinny jeans. I don't know how productive it will be or how well he will be able to execute this plan as he is not quite designed for such a task. You see, Edward has decided that I am way too infatuated with sweets and to stop me from eating them, he is going to eat them before I get to them.
One day, when I was out with Dangrdafne and DangrDonna, my FOOORRRKSS traveling buddies, I really had a craving for a Red Velvet cupcake. Well we eventually went to this market and they had them!! I was so excited. I bought it and took it home for later consumption. Then at home, when I got it out, I made a comment saying "Wow, I really shouldn't eat this." That is where Edward took things into his own hands. Literally.
Edward was really excited to help me and really went for it. However, Edward really overestimated his ability to complete this task.
"Edward! What did you do?"
"Oh god, help me. It hurts. What was I thinking?"
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Nooooo. I think I'm going to die."
"Edward, you are already dead."
"I think I'm going to die again."
"Well, you are a mess. Let's at least get you cleaned up."
"Give me a few minutes. I can't move."
So basically Edward did an impression of me on Thanksgiving and glutted himself. His plan to aid my weight loss goals may not be the smartest he has come up with.
After Edward recuperated, I suggested that he clean himself off. He laid on the bed for quite some time so the cupcake and icing had all dried to him. Getting it cleaned off was not going to be easy. I suggested a bath to Edward. He was not happy about it. I think a bath made him feel a bit emasculated. So I took him to the bathroom to show him how messy he was.
"Holy monkey nuggets!! That is a lot of cupcake! Draw the damn bath."
So I did. I turned on the water in the sink, pulled up the stopper and got the soap.
"Uh, it's pomegranate mango scented soap."
"Yes, well, I'm all out of the manly I just rolled in the mud, beating up all my friends, and then drank a six pack scented soap. Sorry."
I have no patience for his ego. So in the soap went and we filled up the sink.
After the sink was full, Edward was very apprehensive about getting in.
"That was mean."
Edward then scrubbed all the cake and icing off very quickly, hating the smell of it on him. After he was clean, though, he did decide to enjoy some of the more recreational aspects of the water.
Edward even does the back stroke.
And then he reprimanded me.
"You aren't going to stop, are you?"
"You know the answer to that question. Inquiring minds want to know."
"You are really snarky today."