Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Clan

As you know, the Edwards lost Bella recently and have been put on punishment until they find her. If you didn't know that, then you need to go read some older posts. I would link them here for your convenience, but I have a bad headache and don't feel like it. I'm sure they are easy enough to find.

Anyway, finding punishments for Edwards is a difficult task, because first they have to actually work, and second the punishment has to be very unenjoyable. So taking away forms of entertainment, such as TV, movies, video games, and the internet, from a creature who never sleeps or gets tired, is a very good punishment. The only down fall to this punishment is that it results in cranky vamps, which then punishes me. It's a vicious cycle. So I don't know why I keep bringing these Edwards into my home when I know the aggravations it can cause me. Either I have a strong heart for these little guys or I have an epic problem that I should seek out professional help for. I choose to believe the first.

One day, I took advantage of the Edwards' punishment while they were looking for Bella, and went out to the mall. I really need to stay out of Toys R Us, because every time I go there I seem to bring home an Edward. So when I came home, I quick ran up to my room to drop off my purse and then found Edward and EC still on their hunt.

Edward: Blue
EC: Green
Me: Pink

"Hmm, she's not in the dog crate. You think she would like it in here."
"Ha! Good one."

"Dude, you totally should have known better than to look in the beauty products."
"I thought that there may have been a chance she took the hint. Guess not."

"Is she in there?"
"Nope. I really can't believe she isn't stuck in the spaghetti. I guess she can learn from her mistakes."

While I watched the two little vamps searching the house, Edward caught something in my thoughts. He glared at me and then ran up the stairs with EC following. They both ran into my room and confronted my purse.

New Edward: Red

"Who are you?"
"Not again!"
"I'm your new room mate. It's nice to meet you."
"I'm sure you'll fit in nicely here."
"Why are you here?"
"Edward, where are your manners? Be nice to him."
"I don't want to cause any trouble, but if you treat me disrespectfully, I will have to break your face."

"He's been here all of five minutes and has already managed to be completely condescending."
"Of course he is condescending. He's you!"
Edward huffs. "I don't understand. Why do you keep bringing home more? Am I not enough for you? Do you not like me anymore?" Insecure sad Edward is heartbreaking.
"Edward, you know I love you. It has nothing to do with you. I just love all you little guys. And there are plenty of homeless Edwards out there that need some where to live."
Then I accidentally let something in my thoughts slip. Edward snarled.
"What do you mean plenty?"
"Well, uh....." Then I couldn't not think of what I was trying to hide.
"You have more?!"
"I love you, Edward." Trying to flatter him didn't really do anything for me.
"Show me, now!"
So off I went to fetch my hidden Edwards.
"Here are the twins. Well, they are not really twins. I just call them that."

The twins greeted the other Edwards cheerfully, both happy to be out of hiding.
"Where did you get that jacket?"
"The human gave it to me. She said you never wear it."
"She gave you my jacket?!"
"You never even wore it!! What's the big deal?!"
"I'll show you a big deal!!"
"Your mom is a big deal!"
"Okay, enough! Can we move on?"
"You mean there are more than these two knuckle heads?"
I sighed and went to the closet to bring back someone else.

The two Edward's stood like that for a few minutes contemplating their alter ego across from them.
"Well, this is awkward."
"I'll say."
"Love, what are we going to do with all of them?"
"Um....that's not.....all of them."
"I'll be right back."
I went back to the closet. I think Edward is going to kill me.

"Oh come on!!"
"That's all of them, I swear."
"What were you thinking? We all won't fit in your purse. Not with all the crap you have in there, anyway."
"Edward, you are still the only one I'm going to take everywhere. None of them can replace you. I might bring another one of them with us sometimes just to get them out of the house, but you have nothing to worry about. And you have been having a lot of fun with EC."
Edward sighs in resignation. "Yes, that is true. As long as you don't neglect me, I can try to deal with it all. But if any of them get out of line...."
"Edward, you have gotten out of line countless times and you are still perfectly in tact. You can at least show them the same courtesy."
"Fine. Well I guess we should let the other two out of the boxes. They can all at least help look for Bella."
"Good idea."
I went to go get the the scissors and Edward noticed something on the packaging of the other Edwards.

"They're ming readers? How do they do that?"
"Your packaging said the same thing. Apparently you are also a ming reader."
"I am? Must be something that is not developed yet. I'll have to look into that."
I let the other Edwards out and the whole group started to get acquainted with each other and laugh about while Edward looked on with trepidation.

I don't think Edward was comfortable with the situation. Vamps are pretty territorial after all, and here there are seven more invading his home. I really hope he gets used to it.
As Edward watched, the other Edwards were starting their own little conversations.
(I won't be using rainbow text for the other Edwards. That would be too many colors and would get monotonous. I'm sure you will be able to follow along. You are all a bunch of smart cookies.)

"Wow, nice jacket. Where did you get that?"
"The human made it. There is another one on the dresser if you want it."
"Score!" The Edward ran straight to the dresser to claim the coat before anyone else did.

"What do you think, guys?"
"Looks good."
"I like it."
"Very nice."
"It makes you look tough."
"It makes you look like a vampire."
"That's what I was going for!"
"The human is very talented."
"Yes, she seems very nice. I really like her."
"She's really cute, too. Did you all notice that?"
"I did!"
"It's all I notice."
"Hey!! I think we all need to have a little chat. Everyone line up against the wall."
Edward got really angry and took control of the situation. The others must have seen his anger in his thoughts because they all listened.

"First off, no one will speak disrespectfully about MY human. That's a sure fire way to loose a limb. Secondly, you three on the end, do either of you know how to ming read?"
"I was confused about that, too."
"I was going to ask you that."
"We will have to look into it later I guess. The third order of business is I'm Edward. You are all going to have to go by a different name or else things are going to get way too confusing around here."
Edward started with EC and went down the line re-naming everyone.
"Ok, we have already established that you are EC. Um, you we will call.....Newdward."
"Newdward? I don't like what that implies."
"Oh, come on. Your clothes are practically falling off as it is."
"Yeah, okay." Edward continued.
"Ok, the twins we can call Ed and Eddie. That seems fitting. And then you three we can call ...... Anthony, Masen, and Cullen."
All of the Edwards agreed to their new names. Then Edward started to debrief them on the situation at hand.
"Alright boys, we have a mission to accomplish."
All of the Edwards listened on with intrigue wanting to get in on the action.
"Last week Bella went missing and it is up to all of us to find her."
There were collective groans of disappointment.
"Do we really have to find her?"
"EC, would you like to tell the rest of the group why we need to find Bella?"
"The human has a Zippo."
At that, the group scattered quickly around the house and outside wanting Bella to be found as soon as possible.
However, Edward, Anthony, Masen, and Cullen stayed behind to figure out the answers to what they thought was a more pressing matter.


mmMoxie said...

LMAO that was fucking bizarre!

Dangrdafne said...

First: "Why do you keep bringing home more? Am I not enough for you? Do you not like me anymore?" That was heartbreaking

Second: I think you have a problem.

Third: Are you going to write their names on their shoes (like Toy Story) or number them or something??

Fourth: I am now afraid to come to your house LOL!!!

Fifth: Forget the newborn Army, you have an Edward Army!!

Living with Edward said...

@mmMoxie: Thanks!

@DD: I said to my husband "I want an army!" LOL And I don't have to number them, sadly I can tell them all apart better than a mother can tell apart her twins. LOL

Dangrdafne said...

Read my second comment again please ;)

Living with Edward said...

@DD: Yes, Yes, LwE is a little nutty. Tell us something we don't know. LOL

TwitardedMom said...

This is hilarious. My 11 yr old is yelling at the screen :Edward, it's Mind Reading, not Ming Reading."

I read the post to him & we both enjoyed it. You are so creative.

vw- mingson

Mama Cougar said...

Oh LAWD. I've resisted purchasing any type of "Dollward" to date, but your collection has me feeling strangely inadequate.


Stop buying these things and save your money so you can be my roomie in FFFFOOORRRKKKSS!!!!


Musing Bella said...

LMAO at this post - you are too funny and you have WAY too many Edwards!! Thanks for sending me one!

Toefunny said...


TongueTwied said...

sorry I'm so late getting here, but my household has been out of tissues and you know what happens when I come here without them!

WAH!!!! *wipes tears with tissue* this was hilarious!!! I yelled out "OMG!" LOL

That Mr. Slade, is an army (Only this army wants to save Bella, not kill her)

Okay open blue shirt Edward gets the Luke Perry label and the Eclipseward can go Jason Priestley by default. Sunglasseswards are very Christian Slaterlike though.

Jelena @ Twiholic said...


I seriously don't know where to begin. This is more hilarious than anything you've ever posted before. JFC. I concur with DD's second comment.

So that means you have two Bellas as well, if you have two Edward's with sunglasses (or Christian Slaters). I only have that one, btw.

Oh, is that a Kyle Minogue perfume (forgot its name) I spy in your make up drawer? I have the exact same on, and on me at this very moment. :D

Jayla said...

I'm just going to agree with Dangrdafne she hit the nail on the head.

PMSL.. truly

Isabella MARIE Cullen said...

Awesome!!! LMAO!!!!