New Edward: Green
"Who are you?"
"I'm the new guy."
"What are you doing here?"
"I live here."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"That cute blond brought me here."
"WHAT?! That can't be right!"
"Is it so hard to believe that maybe she would like some company other than you?"
This is where I entered the room. It sounded like things were on there way of going out of control which is what I was scared of. "Oh good. It looks like you met Edward, Edward. Are you guys getting along? I knew you would. Edward, why don't you show Edward around the house and make him feel at home." Edward was taken back by my statement. He took a moment to think about what I said, then gave into my request. I felt kind of bad, Edward looked pretty bummed. But he doesn't like change. He will just have to get used to it like everything else. I figured since he gets along with Eduardo so well now, he should have no problem adjusting to the new Edward.
"Um, yes, sure. No problem, love." He was sure to look the new Edward in the eyes when using that endearment, staking his claim as my number one vamp.
So off the boys went to tour the house.
"Why would I think he is a werewolf? Derek is clearly a Pomeranian."
"Um.....well he......this one time......I'm just trying to alleviate any confusion is all. Anyway, the human is very attached to Derek so it is important that you remember that the dog is more important than you and always treat it that way."
"Well, I would expect as much."
"Really? Hm." After Edward contemplated this statement the two little vamps moved on.
"This is Derek's food and under no circumstances do you ever throw this food away? The human will get very upset and threaten you."
"Why would anyone throw the dog's food away? Who could ever be so cruel?"
".........People make mistakes. Things get blown out of proportion and stuff happens. Just don't do it, ok."
"Um, yes, sure. Whatever you say." At this point New Edward seemed a bit weary of Edward and his mental state.
"Now, this is my pet, Vlad. He is a bit skittish around new people so it may take a while for him to warm up to you. But he is very well behaved and needs little care. You are welcome to play with him if you like."
"The human let you get your own pet? Do you think she would let me get one of my own?"
"That depends on what you want. She is very particular in what she will allow you to bring home. But if you threaten the dog, she will probably take you right out to the store to get you something. That's how I ended up with Vlad."
"Why did you threaten the dog?"
".......Um....There was a safety issue."
"With the Pomeranian? How harmful could he be?"
"........He isn't harmful.......it was just.......you see...... I think we should move on."
"This is a Paul McCartney figurine. Now if you were to think that you could talk to him and that he would respond, well you would be mistaken. He isn't real like we are real."
"Really? No kidding? Tell me, have you ever spoken to a professional?"
"A professional what?"
"I guess not. Never mind. What's next?"
"This guitar belongs to my human's husband. He is not fond of letting me play with it. Something about constant string breaking and whammy bar abuse."
"That I can understand. I better not play with it then either. Wait, the human is married?"
"Don't even get me started on this. Bad things happen when I threatened her dog, I don't even want to think of the consequences of threatening the husband. He likes Twilight."
"Nuh uh!!! Hmmm. So I guess your presence is well tolerated by him?"
"Yes, but he tolerates me better than I tolerate him."
"I see. We may have to discuss this matter further in the near future."
"Yes, I agree."
"This is where all the movies are kept. You will also find every episode of Friends and the first two seasons of The Big Bang Theory as well as some concert DVDs and a box of extra guitar stings in case there is a ...... uh..... accident of some kind. I assume that you will be spending a lot of time here seeing that the human will be leaving you at home while I am with her at work."
"Edward?! Are you two in the basement?"
"Don't forget to tell the new Edward about work and what time we will be leaving in the morning. I want to make sure he is around so I don't forget him."
"What was that Edward?"
"I said no problem, love. I can't wait for him to come with us."
Edward continued to show the new Edward around the house. It looks like they are getting along just fine. No animosity that I can see. They did take a break from the tour when they got to the bathroom and engaged in some Q-tip sparring. It looked to be more out of fun than aggression.
Eventually, the pair made it back to the bedroom where Edward had to show the new Edward one more thing.
"If you know what's good for you, you will never touch this. This is my human's most prized possession. Harming it will have worse consequences than crossing the Volturi."
"This is her most prized possession? Really? That guy is such a tool. What does she even see in him anyway?"
"I have no idea. I completely agree. He is just a huge tool. I will never understand the hype."
After the tour was over both Edwards found something fun for us all to do.