Friday, May 7, 2010

Edward Gets A New Co-worker

Wow, I have been a blogging machine lately. I have been posting a lot. Don't get used to it, though. It's just a mood I'm in. I don't know how long it will last. So don't get bummed if I don't post again for another week, okay? Promise me. Now we can move on.

I am very lucky to be able to work at the same place as my best friend from high school. We have very good times being all giggly and annoying with each other. It's like we never left high school except we don't have any homework, not that I did it anyway. Anywhoosal, I've turned my friend to the dark side, and let her borrow Twilight. Then she started hinting that she wanted her own mini Edward. So what does a good friend do? That's right, enable. So I got her her own mini Edward. Being my friend has it's perks. So my friend brought her Edward to work, so of course, this means that we now have two Edwards' at our branch. They should work well together right? So I thought.........

Rainbow text makes all our lives easier.

Edward: Always blue

Other Edward: Green

Me: Pink

So, right away, Other Edward was very cordial, as was to be expected. That's just how Edward is. "It's nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Edward." Other Edward is on the right, here. However, that changes.

As you can see, Edward is not being very cooperative. He stood and stared at Other Edward for quite a few moments. He wasn't giving a friendly stare either. I think some one's ego was getting in the way. I decided to intervene. "Edward, don't forget your manners. Don't embarrass me now."

"Impossible, love. You do that enough yourself."


Edward sighs. "Hello, Edward." I knew he would relent. Edward is a good vamp.

I spoke too soon. Edward used the hand shake to flip Other Edward over his head.

"Oopsy. Forgot my own strength for a moment. I hope you aren't too hurt."

"Edward! What the hell is wrong with you? You don't act like this. I don't understand. You apologise right now!!"

"I'm sorry I flipped you over my head and pounded you into the counter."

"It's ok. I understand completely." But I don't think Other Edward understood because he then kicked Edward to the ground.

"Ok, that is enough. Both of you stop this right now. Did you know this was a public place? I have to work, I can't be yelling at you two all day. What is wrong with you?" Then both Edwards' mumble their apologies to us and then sat and sulked. Oh my god, they are sulking. What the heck for? I think we are in for a long day.

If we couldn't get them to cooperate with each other, we were really going to have problems. They were both going to be at work with each other for three days a week. They have to learn to get along. So I thought a good idea was to give them a project they can do together. An exercise in bonding, if you will. So I had them wrap some nickels. That should be pretty safe right?

Things were very quiet. They were counting and stacking the nickels very efficiently. Then I though to myself that it was a little too quiet. That is when Edward threw a nickel at Other Edward's head. Then I had a revelation. They're mind readers. They are arguing with each other in their heads. Oh for crying out loud. So I separated them for a bit. They then worked away from the other for a while and then cooled down a bit after I made a rule of no mental arguing. They were obedient. I thought they were. I guess there was no way to make sure they were following the rule. So after few hours, and no poor behaviour, I decided that they could interact again. They showed a vast improvement and started displaying some friendliness. I knew they would come around.

"Alright boys, I have to go to lunch now. Will you be ok for a half hour?"

"Of course, love. Enjoy your break."

In a mocking voice, "Of course, love. Enjoy your break. Pfft. You're so whipped."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Ok, Edward, maybe you should come with me."

"Don't be silly. I'm fine. I'm not going to harm him or let him anger me. Don't worry, just go get your lunch."

"Alright......please be good. Both of you." The both agreed to behave so I left. However, I'm not convinced things went as well as they promised they would. Here is what I came back to.

"OH MY GOD!! What are you doing?!"

"Uh.......preparing for a magic trick?"


I snatched up other Edward and quickly untied him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." I looked to Edward for an explanation.

"You really didn't think I was just going to let him mock me did you?"

Then I got stern. "Edward, Edward, you are both going to work together nicely whether you like it or not. Things are getting way out of hand, and I won't have it. You have to get used to each other because you are both going to be here together most days of the week. So at least just please try to get along. I'm sure you both have a lot in common." Both little vamps then spurted out an angry "Fine."
Then things were much better. The day was progressing normally and both Edwards' even had some pleasant interactions. But then Other Edward crossed the line.
"Dude, I totally need your stapler."
"It's just a stapler. What's the big deal?"
"It's my stapler. Can't you see? It has my name on it."
"Well, it has my name on it, too."
"Well, it implies me."
"Fine. I'll just wait till your not looking, then take it."
"Don't you dare!"
"You know, it's hard to take you seriously when you hair looks like that."
"What on earth do you mean?"
"Your highlights."
"Mine? Have you seen how screwed up yours are? At least mine look natural."
"I wanted more of a chunky look. It's more edgy and tough looking. Your natural highlights make you look like a pansy. But that might just be because you are a pansy."
"That's it! You asked for it!"
You have no idea how tempted I was to just let him light that match. But what kind of person would that make me? So I stopped it. Besides, Edward was only planning on taking care of half the problem. I thought the best way to solve this particular debacle was to just give Other Edward his own stapler and maybe give him another name, so that they each felt like they had their own identity. So we then deemed Other Edward, Eduardo. He seemed to be pleased with that. So that has at least alleviated some confusion.

Then I gave Edward some alone time. I told him to just hang out for a while. He took me literally. Even in all this turmoil, he still tries to make me laugh. He must feel bad.

Unfortunately, the antics didn't stop there. I have a feeling that at some point during the day Edward must have thought of his worst fear, because, while he was sorting through some rubber bands, Eduardo decided to sneak up on him wearing a costume.

That's right, Edward is deathly afraid of ghosts. There is nothing more that he fears. Some time ago, a man actually died in our building. He was an electrician working there by himself when the branch was closed. He got electrocuted and died. Edward was very weary in the building for weeks after I told him this story. He must have been thinking of it today.

Anyway, Edward had the feeling he was being watched and slowly turned his head to see what was there. "BOO!!"

"HOLY S#!%!!!!!! I have never heard Edward swear. He must have been really really scared. He went flying into a hiding place.

Then he realised it was Eduardo. He was not happy. Edward climbed back out of the tissue box, tackled Eduardo and carried him over to the drive thru.
"Edward, what are you doing?"
"Pest control."
I was really confused about what he meant. Then Edward threw Eduardo into a plastic canister and shoved it in the chute. Then I realised what was happening.

"No, Edward, don't hit the send button!" But I was too late. Eduardo was on his way outside. I ran over and hit the recall button to bring him back in hoping his head didn't get smashed off when he landed on it outside. When the tube came back, I quickly opened it to make sure there was no harm done to Eduardo. His reaction really surprised me.
"WOOOO! Again! Again! Again!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!! Hit the button! Hit the button! Hit the button!"
So I hit the button and sent him flying back out. Then brought him back in. He screamed for joy again and demanded me to hit the button another time. This went on for a bit while Edward watched. He tentatively asked Eduardo if he could try. Eduardo didn't hesitate to let Edward have his turn and even offered to hit the button. Apparently hitting the button is mega amounts of fun, although, it has never brought me such joy. The two little vampires spent the rest of the day together riding the drive thru tube and hitting the button. That is until the motor broke and we had to call in for service to get it fixed. We left out the details of what actually brought on the mechanisms demise. Edward and Eduardo were sad when the ride got shut down but still laughed and bonded over the experience for the rest of the day. After everything that happened between the almost killings, mockery, fear inducing, and brutality, a ride in a plastic canister makes up for all of it and brings them together. I will never understand boys.


17foreverlisa said...

Too funny!!! Edward flipping Eduardo after the handshake got me started but the Eduardo dressed up as a ghost was hysterical. I don't know how you think this shit up. You're on a roll. Don't stop now!


Living with Edward said...

@Lisa: Neither do I. LOL

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

LoL. You're fucking insane is what you are! :D

Btw, where was your friend this whole time?

Isabella MARIE Cullen said...

L.O. freaking L!!!!!!!!!!!! I love them riding in the drive thru tube! omg! I literally have tears from laughing!

TongueTwied said...

I will never be able to go into my bank again without thinking of Eduardo in the canister! Hysterical as usual!

Maybe once Eduardo gets his own pen thinks will settle down. Oh wait! Isn't Bella coming into the mix soon? I hear love triangle but maybe they will join forces to protect her from an army of killer rolled quarters!

ps- Edward I like your hair better, but that is just between you and me. And btw, your mom called, she said play nice. Don't forget to wish her a Happy Mother's Day!

TwitardedMom said...

Hilarious. You are sooooo creative.

Dangrdafne said...

ROFLMAO!!! Oh good lord I can't stop laughing. You are too funny!!! I guess Edward is too funny too! Eduardo shall fit in nicely.

By the way, my Mini-E has told me he wants to do a post about his trip to Disney. I am a little afraid to let him have the reins on Blogger but I might relent. Any words of advice?

Living with Edward said...

@All: I'm so glad you enjoyed this post. I had so much fun doing it. Probably the most fun post I've done so far.

@TT: I'm not giving any hints as to what Bella will bring to this crazy little train. But I think now killer rolled quarters will haunt me in my sleep.

@DD: Just go with it. If he gets too carried away with something and the post seems a bit odd, you can just say Edward did it. I'm sure all of us here would understand.

Dangrdafne said...

@ LwE - he beat us to it. He already posted his Disney pictures LOL

Living with Edward said...

@DD: Edward is sneaky like that. And I loved his post!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

lmao! I love the way you pose him...and make his face almost change expression with the's hilarious. The bank can bring out the worst in people...poor E never stood a chance. It even made him curse. I feel his pain.

Musing Bella said...

OME - LMFAO at the idea of the tube! You crack me up, girl. This is my favorite. post. EVER.