Monday, May 24, 2010

Bored Out Of His Mind

Edward has been really bored lately. I'm not sure what has caused his sudden boredom, but one thing I told him is that we are not moving. He huffed at this statement. So I'm wondering if he is trying to develop a ploy to get us to change the scenery. Edward has only been here since September. Not even a full year. He shouldn't be ready to go yet.

Now Edward didn't come out and tell me about the boredom. It is something that I figured out on my own. He started displaying some different behaviour. Well, different since his last deviancy during the whole werewolf debacle. But Edward has been very good lately, and recently he seems to have gone backwards a bit. Now he isn't doing anything malicious or conspiratory, just out of the ordinary, getting himself into trouble or being ....... weird. Hmmmm, I haven't considered the fact that maybe he is learning any of this from Eduardo.

Anyway, here is what led up to my bored theory. It all started one day in my car. Edward decided that he wanted to pick some music. I agreed and he went to my visor CD holder and picked something out.

I was very surprised to see his choice of Butch Walker. This isn't Edward's favorite CD. He doesn't really mind so much when I play it, but doesn't really connect with it lyrically. Butch tends to write whatever he thinks without caring about what other people think and can be a bit controversial and rebellious, but not too shocking. So when Edward picked it, I became a bit suspicious. And I soon found that my suspicions were well founded.

Edward started swinging from a necklace I have hanging from the rear view mirror.

I told him to stop that immediately. Did he want me to get into an accident?? That's all I need. "Um, I'm sorry officer. You see, I didn't know that I was driving into the wrong lane because my tiny plastic vampire hit me in the eye because he wanted to play Tarzan." That would have gone over well. So then Edward thought he would try some other form of fun.

When I saw what he was doing, I gasped. "Edward, what on earth? Are trying to moon people?!"
"Well, knock it off! What has gotten into you?"
"Just wanted to try something new."
"Then take up a hobby. Don't do things that could get me pulled over." I thought about that scenario. "Um, I'm sorry officer. My tiny plastic vampire wants to broaden his horizons by showing his tiny plastic butt to society." Yeah, that would get me out of a ticket. As I contemplated how Edward almost got me into trouble twice, now, I thought that Edward should be put somewhere he could stay inconspicuous.
"Now, I know you can get out of there easily, but I'm trusting you not to."
Later that evening, at home, I found Edward engaging in another activity that is out of his character.
Yes, he is pulling the string on the blinds and making a ride out of it. You have got to be kidding me. I let him continue this because he gave me a look begging me not to ruin his fun. So I warned him not to break anything, or he would be in big trouble.

Most of you know that I take Edward everywhere. He has a spot in my purse. So after work one Saturday I had to go to a bridal shower. So naturally Edward had to go with me. Let me tell you, he was BORED. Edward and cutesy girl things don't mix. If you have a mini Edward, I suggest to leave him at home with some movie rentals or something for such occasions.

Edward really didn't like it when we dressed him up as a bride. But he looked so cute. And tolerant.

"Can you hurry up and take the picture?! This is humiliating."

"But you look so cute."
In angry voice, "I'll show you cute."
"What was that, Edward?"
"I said thank you for bringing me here."
Isn't he sweet?

Then Edward started to try to find his own fun.

"Edward, get out of the center piece!"
"Leave me alone. I'm doing yoga."
"No your not. You're embarrassing me. Now get out of there."

Edward listened and got out, but was still determined to be rebellious.

"Edward! Do you want to get me kicked out?! Where did you get a cigarette?"
"Your mom."
"This is no time for a "your mom" joke."
"No seriously, your mom gave it to me. I asked her for it when you went to get more cookies."
I then had a discussion with my mom on the topic of encouraging certain behaviour in Edward.

So I thought I would give Edward something to do. Maybe having a job would be a good distraction. There wasn't much that he could do, so I didn't have much to work with. So I just told Edward to hold this cookie. That was his job. Just hold the cookie. It's very important.

Edward held it for a few minutes and then decided that I was crazy for thinking that a cookie needed holding. Then I told him to check all the seashells in the center piece to make sure you could hear the ocean in all of them. Yeah, I was really at a loss for Edward jobs, so I was just making them up. He knew, but he was desperately bored and did it anyway.

"You said that if I hold a sea shell to my ear I should hear the ocean. But the only thing I hear is the jealous disgruntled thoughts of all the women in the room who aren't getting married."
So then I took Edward home.

Edward has also been displaying his boredom at work. However, so do I, but that is completely different. I have the attention span of a gnat. Anyway, I noticed Edward's boredom one day when he started stringing paper clips together. He isn't one for craft time, so I was a bit confused. Then he started showing me all the ways paper clips could be used and an accessory.

For example, a paper clip scarf.

A paper clip boa.

How about a paper clip sash?

And if you are really desperate, a paper clip noose.

Edward's boredom has been getting so severe, he has actually resorted to playing with human food.

"Here, I want you to eat this and tell me what it tastes like."
"It tastes like a salty corn chip."
"That's not helpful. Describe the taste to me."
"I can't. You have nothing to compare it to. If you want to know just try it yourself."
So he did. I was shocked. Now I know he is in desperate need of something new.
"EW!! What the hell is in this, turpentine?! How can you eat this?"
"How can you drink the blood of chipmunks? To me that sounds disgusting."
"You clearly don't know what good is."
I think I need to do something for Edward. He is clearly loosing it? What could I get Edward that would fulfill his wants and desires? I think I know just what he needs...........


rpattzgirl said...

LMAO! I needed a good laugh tonight...thank you Edward...I especially loved you in the bridal gown!

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

Seriously girl, you're a bloody genius. I don't get why you don't have like a gazillion followers, because this is creative beyond words. Bravo.

Oh, and your photos are always fantastic as well. :D

Dangrdafne said...

The ride in the blinds reminds me of when he and Eduardo went through the bank tube at your work. I definitely think Eduardo is being a bad influence. Where is his pet in all of this? Or Bella, Jasper and Alice? I am very lucky that my Edward is content to entertain himself (I don't ask) and not mess around with anything in my house (at least that I am aware of).

Jacksonstat said...

That was fantastic, thanks Dangrdafne for the recommended read! I've finally decided to get myself a miniE and you've inspired me, so many adventures lie ahead for two of us! And by 'us', I mean me and a plastic vampire... and my dog, she'll want to come along and play too.

Dangrdafne said...

@ Jacksonstat - just be careful with the dog - Living with Edward's Edward didn't like her dog because it was a werewolf - see back stories to read all about it. Good luck and have fun!

Jacksonstat said...

Ooh yeah, I didn't think about that D, that could be messy. I'll introduce them slowly and see how it goes. Baby steps! lol

Toefunny said...

That was bloody brilliant! I particularly liked the paperclip noose. Poor bored. I've had a mini J, Barbie J and have recently acquired a mini E. I'm not ashamed to say that I've got my own stash of pics squirreled away, but this...this is FANTASTIC...I take my hat off to you!! (If i wore one that is)

Trixie and Tess said...

These crack me up!! I was seriously LOLing at the "I'm doing yoga".


TwitardedMom said...

Absolutely brilliant. You always crack me up.

Living with Edward said...

@rpattzgirl: I'm glad I could brighten up your day a bit!

@Jelena: You are a total sweetie! And I appreciatate all your kind words. They mean more to me than you know.

@DD: Yes, I too think Eduardo is influencing Edward too much. And as for Alice and Jasper, they don't live here. They just come visit Edward here and there. And Edward loves Vlad very muhc, but he is a very lazy pet. He sleeps a lot, so that leaves Edward to his own devices a lot of the time. I think Vlad has learned it from my dog. And as for Bella-Spoiler Alert!! LOL I hope you are right about your Edward because to have him be silent this long could end up being devestating. LOL

@Jacksonstat: I can't wait to see what you come up with! And welcome to the crazy train. LOL

@Toefunny: Welcome! Glad to have you here. Hopefully Edward won't be bored much longer. I have something up my sleeve that I think he will be happy with.

@TnT: I like that line too. Now when I see someone doing a handstand on sand, I will think of yoga.

TwtardedMom: Thanks Babe! I'm glad I can make you smile.

Musing Bella said...

This is me demonstrating MY boredom at work. I wish I had a paperclip noose... in fact, I think I'll go construct one...

Thanks for another great post, girl - you are the funniest!

TongueTwied said...

I love bored and mischievious Edward! You may want to rethink the Bellamate--they might just be off in a closet together somewhere all the time and then WE would be bored. This is so much funnier.

Vampires are lucky they don't really have to worry about second hand smoke.

17foreverlisa said...

LMAO! I haven't been blogging much this week. Long hours at work, holiday weekend, reading MotU (damn you, DD!), etc. But I'm here now and so glad. You always make me laugh. I laughed out loud when you tied "your mom" into it.

So glad you and Edward were bored :)


Dangrdafne said...

Ow my ears are burning... Oh it's just 17foreverlisa damning me again... LMAO!!!! You know you love MoTU and are glad I "forced" you to read it ;)