Saturday, April 3, 2010

Don't Mess With Edward!

Edward's hoodie experiment seemed to prove well, so he has been wearing it every where outside of the house. He has also been using all this time to formulate a plan to be rid of his stalker for good. Well today was finally the day to execute said plan! Edward was very excited and went right into predator mode while setting up his trap. He waited until the sun was about to go down, donned his hoodie to keep in disguise and we went on a little trip to Edward's chosen, secluded location.

Edward's first preparation was to make a decoy that he could use to lure the stalker while he was off hiding in the hoodie. So Edward put his artistic skills to good use and created this:

That is Edward's decoy, or as I refer to it, mini FSE. However, mini FSE is still a little to small to be FS. It's a pretty good likeness otherwise, complete with it's own crooked smile, custom pea coat, and lavishly quaffed bouffant. Anyway, Edward finds a good place to prop the decoy. Edward's predator mode can be a bit intimidating. The whole time he was doing this, you could here the little snarls and excited growls coming from him. If it wasn't quite so daunting, it would be laughable.

Then Edward set up the trap. Edward is pretty old school, so he didn't go for anything elaborate. When I asked Edward if he really thought that it was the best method to use he replied, "It worked for Bugs Bunny..........mmmmm, bunny. Remind me to go hunting after this." No problem Edward.

When Edward had everything set up he hid behind a rock and waited..........and waited.....

........and waited..........................waited some more...................kept waiting.........

..................He was still waiting...................................Edward is very patient.............

............and waited........until many hours later someone decided to show up.

The decoy actually worked! The stalker went right up to it with no reservations or suspicion. Edward wasted no time and pulled at the shoe lace and had the stalker imprisoned in seconds. As you can see he is quite pleased with himself.

No longer needing to hide Edward removed the hoodie to finish the rest of his plan. While the stalker lay trapped in the box, Edward ran around gathering twigs and broken leaves and started piling them on a rock.

Once the pyre was complete, Edward went to retrieve the stalker from the box. He brought it over to the pile of sticks and gave him his own version of last rites. "You will never stalk anyone ever again. I will make sure that no one has to go through what I did. I will never wear a hoodie again either...............unless I want to, then it's ok. But I will never be forced again......unless the sun is out and I need to cover up, but that is a completely different circumstance. But never to conceal my identity........unless there happens to be someone I don't want to talk to, then the hoodie could be useful."

GET ON WITH IT EDWARD!! "Oh, yes. Sorry." And with that, Edward shoved the stalker into the stack of twigs and prepared for the "big event" as he called it.

"Alright love, light 'er up!" That was my cue to begin the last phase of Edward's plan. I was glad that I got to light the fire. It made me feel like I was helping to protect Edward and let him know that I was always there for him when he needed me. I was also glad because I was afraid Edward might get carried away and accidentally melt himself.

The fire burned and burned while Edward jumped up and down and shouted "Victory is mine! Victory is mine!" I have a feeling that Edward has been watching too many cartoons.
Not much remained of the stalker after the fire. Just one small little piece. Edward fished it out of the pile of ashes and decided to keep it as a memento of his efforts. He also wanted to keep it as a warning for others who may harbor cruel intentions toward him.

Here he his is holding the remains up in warning, proving that you don't mess with Edward!!


Musing Bella said...

LMAO - OK, I promise not to mess with Edward. You are too funny.

Isabella MARIE Cullen said...

I ♥♥♥♥ Edward's hoodie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So cute!

Dangrdafne said...

I hope the stalker was made of fake money!! :O

Great story. I am glad Edward is rid of his stalker now and feels safe again :)

rpattzgirl said...

first time to your blog and I am LMAO!!!! I love it!

TongueTwied said...

Tears streaming down face. AGAIN! I love a victorious unhoodie'd Edward!

And just as Eclipse/BD Edward showed us, Carlisle might be the head of the family, but Edward truly is the strategic one at planning the attack!

So Edward didn't need to rub stalker ashes on his face? LOL! (I watched this weekend-you were totally right about Victoria!)

Fanfiction! Fanfiction! Fanfiction!

Living with Edward said...

@Musing Bella: Edward appreciates your promise to him. He is glad there are some kind people in the world. :)

@Isabella MARIE Cullen: I'm so glad you love the hoodie! Mostly because it was so time consuming and frustrating to make. I don't sew so it was a challenge.

@Dangrdafne: I wish it was real money! Then I would have suggested spending the stalker instead of buring him. It would have been more fun but made for a less interesting post.

@rpattzgirl: Welcome! I'm glad you are enjoyin your stay at Living with Edward. lol

@TongueTwied: Edward putting stalker ashes on his face! hahahhahahhahahaha. That is hilarious. My dog was out with me when I took all the photos. I should of had Edward put the dog poo on his face to hide his scent from the stalker too!

If you keep pressuring me like this, I may eventually give in. But then you can't blame me if it sucks. haha

KG said...

oh you always ALWAYS crack my shizz up!! hilarious!


Living with Edward said...

Thank you KG!