Friday, March 5, 2010

Edward's Intervention

I was finally able to track down someone who Edward may listen to. I don't even want to go into the details of what it took to get this someone here, but I will say I'm a trooper. The actual intervention itself didn't go as well as planned but did reach a peaceful conclusion, thankfully. I was able to keep from Edward what was going to happen with a certain someone who was coming to visit. He was just excited that this person was coming and couldn't wait to see them. Edward had no clue that a vampire intervention was about to ensue. Here is how it went down.

(A knock at the door. Edward goes running with excitement.)

Edward: blue
Alice: pink

"Alice!! It's been far too long. It's so good to see you! Please, come in."
"It's good to see you too! I knew you would be happy to see me."
"Of course you did."
It was a very happy reunion filled with kind words and a warm embrace. Both Edward and Alice talked for a bit, catching up on news of the family and any other antics that were worth sharing. But then the suspision started.

"Alice, why are you singing Bohemian Rhapsody in the voice of Kermit the Frog in your head?"

"We need to talk."
"What's wrong? Is it Carlisle?"
"No. Neca hasn't decided to make him yet. I'm not sure that I want them to. I don't know how much more I can handle of them butchering up the looks of everyone in our family."
"Oh, right."
"Did you see Jasper yet?"
"You don't want to. And that's coming from me! And they have Rosalie coming out soon."
"Oh dear God." Edward takes a thoughtful pause. "You're stalling. What do you want to talk to me about?"
"Your behaviour here. It is completly unacceptable. Do you have any idea what you are doing to that poor girl. She thinks you are insane. And all she does is try to appease you and look out for your needs. You are really being a jerk and it needs to stop."
"You think I need to stop?! Have you seen the big stinking werewolf she has me living with?"
"It's only big to you, Edward. And it's not a werewolf." This is where things start to go downhill.
"Grrrr. You speak of things you know nothing about. I have been living here for six months. Don't you tell me that he is not a werewolf. I have been doing nothing but good around here. I have been trying to keep that girl safe from the mongrel."
"Don't you growl at me, Edward Cullen! Derek is not a werewolf, he is a pomeranian, you doof. And you don't need to protect anyone from him. He doesn't even have teeth, for crying out loud. And did you know that he has been here for six years before you came along? Doesn't that tell you anything?"
"Yes. It tells me that the human is very lucky. But, while I'm here, I will not take any chances. You should know better. He is your arch enemy, too."
"No he isn't. Sorry, I don't have any vendettas with fluffy, dainty, little purse dogs. Obviously they have offended you some how."
"Now your going to mock me?! I won't stand for that! If the reason you came here was to cause me disrespect, then you can leave. I don't need this!"
"Well the human doesn't need you acting like a nuerotic crazy person. She can't even trust you alone with her dog. You steel his food! That's animal abuse!"
"Animal abuse? What about vampire abuse? That dog tried to starve me first!"
"Edward, you need to watch more Animal Planet!"
"Grrrrrr. What I need is for you to leave me alone!" Then all hell broke, Alice's arm broke loose.
"AAAHHHHH! Edward! Ooooowwwww! It hurts! It hurts!"

"Why would you do that?!"
"Alice! Oh for the love of all that is holy! What did I do? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I don't know what came over me. I....I....."
"Stop rambling and put it back!! Now!"
"Ok, here you go."

"I am so sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't know what happened. I feel so ashamed. I can't even look at you. I'm a monster."

"I know you didn't mean it, Edward. This whole situation has you so tightly wound. You need to calm down and face the facts. Derek is just a dog. Do you know how I know? I can see him. In my visions. I see him clearly. And I can see you when you are with him. Don't you think that if I saw you disappear six months ago, I would have come sooner to help you?"

"Wait. You can see him?"
"And you have been able to see him this whole time?"
"So he really isn't a werewolf then?"
"Huh...........Why didn't you tell me that part in the beginning? We could have skipped over the whole arm ripping debacle?!"
"Ooops. Hey, I never said my visions were infalable."
"No kidding. So, now how do I fix this?"
"Uh uh. You're not getting off that easy. You need to figure that out for yourself."
"Is this one of those times that you want me to learn something and achieve some kind of self improvement?"
"Of course."
"Dammit, Alice. This is my life, not an after school special."
"Well, maybe you should have watched some more and then you would know what to do."
And with that Alice and Edward said there goodbyes and Alice promised to visit again soon. I left Edward alone after that so he could think about all that was said and done. A few times he came to me to see what I was doing but was very casual and never stayed in the room long. Then finally, when I went to my room to go to bed he was waiting for me on my dresser. I've never seen him look so pathetic, but in a good way.
"I'm sorry for the way I have acted towards you and your I know you love Derek very much and that he is a very I promise to not harm him in any way and to no longer hold any disgust for him."
Do you pinky swear, Edward?
"Pinky swear? That really isn't a legally binding pinky swear."
And with that Edward and I basically started over. He agreed to let loose more and really try to finally enjoy himself. I was really happy to hear that. I told him that I want him to be happy and to enjoy living here. He said that he would like that to. Hmmmm....this really is ending like an after school special, isn't it. Well, I better quit here before we hug it out Danny Tanner style. Until next time.


TooMuchCoffee said...

Love your new title bar, that's a great picture!

Living with Edward said...

Thank you! It took me forever to figure out how to do it. I am not computer savy at all and have recently decided to try to play around with my settings and so far my lap top has not exploded so I guess I'm doing ok. haha.

Bouncy72 said...

Oh my goodness. I cracked up laughing at this. You've posed them so well too. *chuckle*
Thanks for the laugh.

Living with Edward said...

Thank you. I'm gad you liked it. :)

17foreverlisa said...

LMFAO!!!! I agree with @Bouncy72 - the way you posed Edward and Alice is perfect. Having him rip her arm off was just too funny. I was reading along and then when I saw the picture I was literally laughing out loud.

Keep the posts coming, girlie!


Living with Edward said...

The arm ripping was totally a mistake. I had just got Alice home and was experimenting with some poses and it just came off. It didn't even snap or resist first just fell like a limp noodle. So I thought I would take advantage of that before I returned her for another one.

KG said...

"Dammit, Alice. This is my life, not an after school special." <----hahahaha i snorted it was that freakin funny. I don't know why I didnt comment on this post sooner.