Sunday, December 27, 2009

Introducing Billward

So we decided to do a play at our church for Christmas this year. My brother-in-law and I wrote it, so it was absolutely hilarious. We like to do things a bit differently at our church. Anyway, we had a family in the script that called for a father, however all the guys willing to act had already been asigned other parts so we had to improvise our father. I had the bright idea of having a cardboard cut out and putting, America's favorite sitcom dad ever, Bill Cosby's face on it. So naturally I put myself in charge of aquiring said cardboard cutout and was thrilled that I finally had an excuse to purchase my own FSE. (Full Size Edward for those of you who live under a rock.) So, without further delay, I would like to introduce you to Billward!

He did great. Got a lot of laughs when the kids had to carry him around the stage. He was a big hit with the ladies, too.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Santa Was Good To Me

I wasn't expecting much for Christmas this year. Suspecting the usual I guess. You know, the gift card to the store you like, or pair of slippers, chocolate, maybe a hoodie. I really wanted a Nintendo Wii, but I know there was no way that was going to happen....that I'm going to have to save up for and buy myself. So on Christmas Eve, I was handed a present that appeared to be some sort of frame. I had no idea what to expect. I opened it and my jaw dropped. I was told that it took month to track down, but finally made it's autographed photo of Robert Pattinson! I could not believe it. I never even thought to ask for it. I felt so warm and fuzzy inside that someone would have thought of that for me. My thanks and gratitude are huge. Yay.

Here is little Edward and Vlad with my new most prized possesion. Now, if anyone comes near it, they will be met with growls and snarls and fury like no other. And who knows what Edward and Vlad might do......

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Edward's New Pet

After Edward's new pet got a bit aquainted with his surroundings, Edward approached the little bat cautiously to evaluate his personality. Edward had no idea what to expect.

Yep, he was definately taking the anylitical approach to this, which is what I was afraid of. Edward was gabbing on and on about possible behavour traits and issues that we may not have thought about when purchasing this bat. Or even a check for rabies, which could prove to be very dangerous for me. I told Edward that rabies should not be a concern considering the undeadness of the bat. Does Edward still have spanish influenza in his undead state? Eventually I just told Edward to knock it off and stop thinking about stupid things and think about something more important, like what to name the little bat. Edward contemplated for a moment......looked at the bat.....then it happened.....what I was hoping for.....just that one little know, that look when a little boy sees a puppy for the first time and both the boy and the puppy look at eachother with longing in their eyes, and you know that they will be inseparable for eternity or until one of them dies?.....

That look was all it took for Edward to fall in love with the little guy. He wasn't the same after that. Not another anyitical word came out of his mouth. Thank God! It was really getting old. I let him have a minute to mull over his feelings for what was going on before I interupted him.

Corrinne:"So, Edward, what is his name going to be?"

Edward:"Um, what?..Oh, um,....I think Vlad. That seems appropriate."

Corrinne:"Vlad it is." (for those of you who are unfamiliar with Vlad, you can google it!)

After that, Vlad went on to show Edward some of his skills. Edward stood there impressed with his new little companion, excited making plans for places to take him, hunting trips, going for walks, teaching him tricks, etc. He just seemed so......happy. It was nice.

While Edward played with Vlad, Derek came into the room demanding my attention. Like the good doggy mother I am, I happily played some tug-o-war/fetch with him. Edward watched as I laughed and Derek ran around all happy. Edward appeared to have a slight (notice I said Slight) appologetic look on his face.
Edward:"I think I can understand, or at least try to in this situation."
Corrinne:"Edward, that's all I ask."

Friday, December 4, 2009

Edward Gets a Pet

Since Edward and I had our little chat about the "werewolf" in question, things have been much better. Edward has lost his hostility toward me and is much more pleasant. However, my constant close contact with Derek does make him sad. I wish Edward would understand that my relationship with the dog does not make me care about him any less. Maybe if Edward understood my relationship with Derek better, then maybe he would be less hurt by it. That's when I got the idea that changed Edward's life. Edward needs a pet.

I brought the idea to him and he seemed intrigued but reluctant at the same time. Edward is not comfortable with the unknown. "I've never had a pet before. Perhaps it will educational experiance." Ok, so Edward was going to look at this anylitacly and miss the point of the experiment. I was hoping more for him being excited about forming a bond with his pet. Maybe he just needed to get one first, then see what happens. So off we went to the local Target to look for a suitable companion for the little vampire.

As soon as we got there, I was quite intimidated by the task. What is a good pet for a vampire, and not just any vampire, what is a good pet for Edward. Hmmmm....I guess we start with the most common pet first. How about a puppy? Everyone likes puppies.....

"Oh, for the love of all that is holy! What did I just step in?"

Ok, so Edward wasn't really feelin' the puppies. Maybe a conventional pet wasn't the way to go. Edward agreed and we kept looking. That is when he spotted it. He got really excited and ran to it hopping up and down like a little kid going "oo, oo..this one!"

Edward, no. That is not a pet, it's a monster. Not to mention that it's friggin HUGE! And will probably try to eat you. Next. "I'll take care of it, I swear" Next. Edward walks away sad and dejected. Then the smarty pants thinks he found a good compromise.

"Look, it's smaller. That will work.." No, Edward, it won't. You are not getting a dinosaur for a pet. Keep looking. "Fine."
Edward's next find wasn't any better. I found him in the next isle petting this little monster. "This one is way smaller. I'm even taller than it, and I think he likes me. Good dragon." Edward, you can't get a dra...He cut me off. "You said that I could not have a dinosaur. This is a dragon. It's completely different." It's still a giant lizard. Ok, new rule. You can't get a giant lizard, or a small lizard. Nothing in the lizard family. He looked really sad then like I crushed all his dreams. I assured him that we would find something perfect and encouaged him to keep looking.
Edward then took a moment to do a Billy Madison impression. "Stop looking at me, swan!" Hmmm..that line should have been in Twilight when Bella was staring at Edward in the cafeteria...I would have laughed.

As the search continued, it didn' t get any easier. It's not easy finding suitable animal companions for vampires. I didn't realize how difficult this was going to be. We found something that may have been hopeful but Edward was more cautious of it. "What is it? A deer? A rabbit? Why is it smirking at me? Does it have magical powers? I don't know whether to hunt it or fear it." So we moved on.

Then I thought I found something perfect. Edward you like lions right? They have a cute little lion here. "I LOVE lions!!" Edward came running, and then....."Mmmmmm"

Alive minis Lion Cub....not anymore. Edward, how could you do that? "What? The box says Try Me. So I did, and it was delicious!" This may have been my fault. Oops.. Ok, so nothing Edward can feed on. We should continue.

Edward was getting a little bored of the task, due to lack of success, and got distracted for a bit. "Can we get this instead? I think I will be happy with this. Is there another color?"

Since when is Edward Cullen a quitter? That got him moving again. He sighed and got back to his search. And I swear, this guy would not know practicle if it slapped him in the face.
"Megatron!! Please?!!"
Edward, that is a robot, not a pet. "It's not a lizard.." I was getting very tired and was about to quit myself and just give into his impracticality and buy Megatron and call it a day. But then I spotted it. The perfect pet for Edward. He saw my thoughts and went to the said pet to investigate. After looking at it for a few minutes, he looked at me and gave me a quick nod telling to procceed with purchasing what he said was probably the best probable choice.
When we got home, I took Edward's new pet out of his packaging and let him roam around a bit and get aquanted with the surroundings much like I did with Edward when he first got here.
Here he is. A little vampire bat. It's the right size. Edward won't have to go out of his way to feed it, he can just feed with it. He won't be apposed to sharing with something so small. And it won't be making any messes for Edward to clean up, or me getting stuck doing it. After all, it only makes sense that undead people should have undead pets.