Friday, December 4, 2009

Edward Gets a Pet

Since Edward and I had our little chat about the "werewolf" in question, things have been much better. Edward has lost his hostility toward me and is much more pleasant. However, my constant close contact with Derek does make him sad. I wish Edward would understand that my relationship with the dog does not make me care about him any less. Maybe if Edward understood my relationship with Derek better, then maybe he would be less hurt by it. That's when I got the idea that changed Edward's life. Edward needs a pet.

I brought the idea to him and he seemed intrigued but reluctant at the same time. Edward is not comfortable with the unknown. "I've never had a pet before. Perhaps it will educational experiance." Ok, so Edward was going to look at this anylitacly and miss the point of the experiment. I was hoping more for him being excited about forming a bond with his pet. Maybe he just needed to get one first, then see what happens. So off we went to the local Target to look for a suitable companion for the little vampire.

As soon as we got there, I was quite intimidated by the task. What is a good pet for a vampire, and not just any vampire, what is a good pet for Edward. Hmmmm....I guess we start with the most common pet first. How about a puppy? Everyone likes puppies.....

"Oh, for the love of all that is holy! What did I just step in?"

Ok, so Edward wasn't really feelin' the puppies. Maybe a conventional pet wasn't the way to go. Edward agreed and we kept looking. That is when he spotted it. He got really excited and ran to it hopping up and down like a little kid going "oo, oo..this one!"

Edward, no. That is not a pet, it's a monster. Not to mention that it's friggin HUGE! And will probably try to eat you. Next. "I'll take care of it, I swear" Next. Edward walks away sad and dejected. Then the smarty pants thinks he found a good compromise.

"Look, it's smaller. That will work.." No, Edward, it won't. You are not getting a dinosaur for a pet. Keep looking. "Fine."
Edward's next find wasn't any better. I found him in the next isle petting this little monster. "This one is way smaller. I'm even taller than it, and I think he likes me. Good dragon." Edward, you can't get a dra...He cut me off. "You said that I could not have a dinosaur. This is a dragon. It's completely different." It's still a giant lizard. Ok, new rule. You can't get a giant lizard, or a small lizard. Nothing in the lizard family. He looked really sad then like I crushed all his dreams. I assured him that we would find something perfect and encouaged him to keep looking.
Edward then took a moment to do a Billy Madison impression. "Stop looking at me, swan!" Hmmm..that line should have been in Twilight when Bella was staring at Edward in the cafeteria...I would have laughed.

As the search continued, it didn' t get any easier. It's not easy finding suitable animal companions for vampires. I didn't realize how difficult this was going to be. We found something that may have been hopeful but Edward was more cautious of it. "What is it? A deer? A rabbit? Why is it smirking at me? Does it have magical powers? I don't know whether to hunt it or fear it." So we moved on.

Then I thought I found something perfect. Edward you like lions right? They have a cute little lion here. "I LOVE lions!!" Edward came running, and then....."Mmmmmm"

Alive minis Lion Cub....not anymore. Edward, how could you do that? "What? The box says Try Me. So I did, and it was delicious!" This may have been my fault. Oops.. Ok, so nothing Edward can feed on. We should continue.

Edward was getting a little bored of the task, due to lack of success, and got distracted for a bit. "Can we get this instead? I think I will be happy with this. Is there another color?"

Since when is Edward Cullen a quitter? That got him moving again. He sighed and got back to his search. And I swear, this guy would not know practicle if it slapped him in the face.
"Megatron!! Please?!!"
Edward, that is a robot, not a pet. "It's not a lizard.." I was getting very tired and was about to quit myself and just give into his impracticality and buy Megatron and call it a day. But then I spotted it. The perfect pet for Edward. He saw my thoughts and went to the said pet to investigate. After looking at it for a few minutes, he looked at me and gave me a quick nod telling to procceed with purchasing what he said was probably the best probable choice.
When we got home, I took Edward's new pet out of his packaging and let him roam around a bit and get aquanted with the surroundings much like I did with Edward when he first got here.
Here he is. A little vampire bat. It's the right size. Edward won't have to go out of his way to feed it, he can just feed with it. He won't be apposed to sharing with something so small. And it won't be making any messes for Edward to clean up, or me getting stuck doing it. After all, it only makes sense that undead people should have undead pets.


Snarkier Than You said...

This is hysterical! And I think he made the right choice - lol...

: )

Living with Edward said...

Thank you! He's very happy. haha

Stan said...

LOL! Love how you took pics with all the toys! You were right to discard the little dragon, we have one of those and it's a nightmare around the house, spiky when you stand on it which is never good ;o)

Def the right choice!

KG said...

This is hilarious! and what a cute little vampire bat.

my Edward is a stubborn one too, I wonder where he gets it from...certainly not me! ;)

love the blog.

Living with Edward said...

@KG: hahahahaha. I think some of them are just defective....

Living with Edward said...

@Stan: Thanks for the dragon warning! I will be sure to not try stepping on any.